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Little bit lost

Carolt
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Went to the hospital yesterday with my darling husband to get results of a CT scan & camera to be told that he is a bit of a mystery & that they want to repeat the scan & camera. Apparently he has none of the things on the tick box for what they 'think' they have found. He hasn' lost weight nor does he have diahorea but he does have several lumps in his stomach which obviously shouldn't be there. The consultant said he expected to see a man who looked very poorly. He  spoke of the possibility of lymphoma but everything was very vague. I don't know what is worse...being given a definate diagnosis or being told there is something not quite right.  I feel broken 

  • Offline in reply to Chriss

    Hi Chriss 

    Didn't go ahead with the stent.....probably fate or someone looking out for us.  The day for the stent came & an emergency halted the procedure. Dave decided to come home & plan for the procedure the following week. He then became unwell & we spent 4 days at home him vomiting night & day. We could have gone back to the hospital but I think that was the turning point for him. We came into our local hospice on June 1st & have been here ever since. The stent would have been futile & would have caused unnecessary distress.

    They have been wonderful here & my love's battle is nearly at an end.  We didn't make the graduation but our girl has made us so very proud. We both know she has done so well.

    Thank you Chriss for your help....nothing more I can do but wait & hold his hand in mine. 

    Just us as it always has been .

    Xxxxx

  • Offline in reply to Carolt

    Hi there ..

    Well I answer quite a few on here .and try to stand back a pace, as it can feel overwhelming... and only a few pull my heart strings ... I've got tears in my eyes as I write this ... for your amazing strength,  courage, and love that comes through ..

    I would want a hospice for me .. they are places that make every day count .. and help all involved .. and those nurses are like angels ... not just nurses ... so he will be well cared for there ..

    I hope his pain is controlled well, that's one thing we all want ... and a hand to hold ... remember hearing is the last thing to go, so keep talking to him, even when you think he can't hear you ..

    I'm sure he'll be there at the graduation .. you just won't see him, but I bet you feel his presents ... I've felt my mum by my side at times .. telling me "it's o.k... I'm right here"  and I know if this cancer takes me one day, I'll be there watching my granddaughter... and woe betide any one who stands in my way ... 

    So I'm sending you one of my spiecial hugs , I save for my Emily (granddaughter)  they are full of love and strength... and I'm doing that right now ... Chrissie

  • Offline in reply to Chriss

    Hi Chris

    Dave passed away yesterday at 7am in my arms. Just me & him as it's always been.

    Whilst heartbroken I just feel so very proud of him.& so proud to have been his wife.

    Xxxxxx

  • Offline in reply to Carolt

    My husband was diagnosed on May 23 so totally understand what you are going through with the what ifs. However, what Chriss says is sooooo true and wise. 

    I totally get the cleaning thing, I have been manic with cleaning and washing because the activities keep my mind busy but totally knacker me out, along with the rollercoaster we are all going through.

    Hugs for you both and pee of the little lumps!

     

  • Offline in reply to Carolt

    Well my hunny ...

    You filled a lifetime of memories into the time you got together ... lots more then others will have if they live to be 100 ... keep every wonderful memory right there in your heart ... coz that's his home now ...

    I feel like we've both been on this journey .. for over a year now ... and I feel honered to have shared it with you .. I know you'll hurt .. and miss him ... but I hope you find piece too, in that time you had together ...  I'm so so proud of you ... 

    Sending a vertual hug... dear friend ...  Chrissie x

  • Offline in reply to Chriss

    Oh Chris......I thought I was prepared as I had a year to come to terms with it ......how wrong was I?

    I am so very proud of the man I have shared my life with & I have to keep that at the front of my mind every time I have a flashback of how he suffered. 

    Cancer is truly something the devil thought up !!

    Sending those hugs back to you & hope that you are in a good place yourself at the moment 

     

    Carol  xxxx

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