Hi there ... and welcome ... hold on in there ... although your brain is probably going through every sinario and "what if" , you really need to try to push those thoughts to the back of your mind or you'll be overwhelmed even before he finds out for sure ... it's always a scary shock in those first days ... but it just maybe o.k and treatable ... and if it is cancer you'll need every bit of mental energy to help him through ...

It's no bad thing to have a few tears together and admit your both scared ... but if you can come together and after feeling like that say to your self... "right, no thinking what ifs ... no panicking till you know what's happening for sure ... take every day and every problem one at a time ... live in the the day ... and keep your mind off of dwelling ... it may seem impossible but it is do able ... you can do this .. it's not about being strong ... it's about getting a balance of emotions ...

So sending you a hug and always here if you need a rant or a high 5 if those pesky lumps are o.k .. Chrissie x

Oh carol (excuse the pun) that's really good and think of how clean the house will be ... 

I've got another little op on 18th... so I'm doing the same ... only not quite so energetically ... so we can do this ... and this will be 4th time my scar has been opened and stitched back up ... and I'm running out of spare skin ...  

So keep in touch and still got everything crossed for him ... you can do this, and it will help him if you don't panic ... worry is good though ... just keep a balance ... Chrissie xx

Hi Chrissie.....feel a bit stronger today....just now so bloody angry & that emotion will be harder to keep in check !!

I feel really thoughtless now that I didn't ask how you were I can only say that I felt consumed & overwhelmed....but less about me.

I so hope that the 18th goes well & if our news is good   (or even if it' bad) we hope to be on a beach in Ibiza celebrating our 35th wedding anniversary & I will raise a cocktail to you!!

I will keep in touch & thank you for your help 

Carol xx

Made the trip to Ibiza and spent out 35th wedding anniversary on the beach. Unfortunately a few days later my love began to feel unwell & we came home. On may 22nd he was diagnosed with inoperable pancreatic cancer & our world fell apart. We talked at length about fighting this etc etc but we are one week from diagnosis & already he looks tired & I have noticed the weight loss.  Pancreatic cancer I have since learnt is known as the silent beast.....it hides in the shadows waiting to pounce.

We await a referral & our specialist nurse is calling out to see us tomorrow but that really is all we know....I have googled nightmare scenarios of weeks to live & miraculous 5 year outcomes.

Does anyone have any practical advice to offer. I would be so grateful 

Hi Carol ... So so sorry your hubby has had this diagnosis.... Cancer is really crule with no companion ... 

All I'd say is try to live in the day ... There's a couple of our lads on here pushing their diagnosis further every day ... And some are taken a lot quicker ... So living in the moment will help you cope ....  Cancer has many faces and doesn't follow a pattern ... That's why Drs are not keen to give a time frame ... 

This is one of the hardest things you'll do in life ... But holding on to every moment and sharing tears, hugs, and leave nothing unsaid ... You can walk this path together and make it as one ...  My heart goes out to you both ... I know when l thought the outlook was bleak l was determined to make as many loving memories as possible ... And yet I'm still here ... So I just hope he pushes his down this path we find ourselves on ... It's not about winning or loosing this journey it's about sticking two fingers up to it every day ...  Always here if you wanna chat or vent ... Big hug chrissie x

Hi Chriss   

Came back to the site to look up some information & realised that tomorrow will be one year since I was last here & received reply from you.  In that year we have seized the day & until Christmas spent most weekends in different parts of the country visiting lovely hotels & just enjoying being together. Dave has had 17 rounds of chemotherapy but that stopped at Christmas when he developed a pulmonary embolism. He stopped chemotherapy & concentrated on getting his strength back. Since then on the bad side he has had 3 ascitic  drains to remove fluid from his abdomen & is now preparing to go in on Thursday to have an oesophagel stent. On the good side we became grandparents in March to our wonderful Orla Grace who has brought much joy into our world.

Things are not great obviously but I am so thankful that we have had this year to tell each other how much we love each other & to squeeze everything out of life that we could.  We always have a wish list & our next wish is to make it to July 15th when our daughter graduates from University with a law degree.

Thank you Chriss for your help when I needed it most.

I hope you are in the best health possible  xx

Hi Carol ...

How wonderfull to hear from you ... it means so much ... and what a year you've both had ... l know every day I wake up .. l look up and say "yep still here" and wonder what will make me smile today ...

None of us knows what tomorrow will bring ... or who we may loose ... so making every day a memory day ... well everyone should do that ... you sound like you took this time by the short and curlies ... so so proud of you both ... 

I've got everything crossed for that graduation ... please let me know ... I'll have a word with the man up there ... well I'll get my mum to have a word ... think he really likes my mum .. she had a wicked sense of humour .. and I'll bet she'd even pinch his bum as he passed ... but sure she's put in a word for me, coz by some mirical I'm still going strong ...

Got the last thing on my bucket list next Feb... going to Florida with my son and co ... they are the ones in pic ... my world ... but I've hedged my bets and only payed a deposit ... but told mum she's gotta tell him up there ... I just need that last thing ...  ; )) 

So July 15th ... that's so close to my 2 year post op ... I'll be looking for your post ... and no matter what, he'll be right there anyway ... he just may be a step behind ... but either way ... believe .... 

Sending you all a big vertual hug... thanks again ...  chrissie

Hi Chriss 

You mum sounds like my kind of girl !! Please do ask her to put a good word in for us....we need it.

Very much deliberating at the moment whether the stent is the best option for Dave. Medically it probably is but I know my love & he has been through so much. It's torture to watch this once fit able bodied man be reduced to battling the stairs....the fluid in his legs is awful. His pain is controlled with morphine but he has a bed sore which makes even sitting to watch TV painful. At the moment he is keeping little food down.........in fact life is awful for him.

I think the plan of the day is to speak to our Macmillan nurse (who has been ok but sadly overworked & therefore comes every 3 weeks )  to get her thoughts.

The picture of  "your world" is so beautiful.....it would be amazing to spend time in Florida with them.....the place where we can all be children again.

Have a lovely day & speak soon.

Carol   xxx

Hi there Carol...

All I'd say, at this really difficult heartbraking time ... is ask him ... in my heart and being totally honest, there's a time to hang on, and a time to say no more ... been through enough ... listen to him .. 

Your in my thoughts ... this is the time to just hold his hand and keep him as comfortable as you can .. and have you thought of Marie Currie... they are there for those on the same journey as he is now .. and they support the families too .. go to their home page, and give them a ring .. l think they will be the ones to help more now ...

So remember, you've done the brave (yes brave) things over this year ... all now hold on together .. no one person being brave for the other ... I'm sending you a vertual hug right now ... l think you really need one .. I'm always here .. if things get tougher, and you want a private chat .. press on my picture and it will take you to my home page ... send me a friend request, and then your message will come strait through to me .. for as much or as little as you need ... x

Chrissie