A while ago we found out that my Grandad (the best person in the world) had bowel cancer, this was a massive blow to the entire family. My family are all very emotional people who want to hug and cry, but unfortunately that just isn’t me or my husband. My grandad didn’t really want to talk about it and that was fine by us, I was very matter of fact about how everything would be fine, he would get a stoma bag and “this time next year it will be like it never happened”... well that was a year ago, and although he was ok for a bit afterwards he was complaining of back ache a lot. That is when we found out a month ago that the cancer had come back... and had spread to his lungs in several places. He is starting chemo on Monday. I have to say, I’m finding it so hard to be matter of fact in a positive way like last time, all I can think about is how this time next year, my Grandad won’t be himself anymore, he will be ill, thin, pale, bald... I just don’t know what to think and it is killing me. I love him so much, he is a bright, funny, animal lover who always wants to be outdoors, he has travelled the world, he gave me my love of animals and the outdoors, me and my brother spent every weekend of our childhood with my grandparents, and now as an adult, my husband, baby and I are there practically every weekend still... and now he is going to be what? Frail? He won’t want to walk around? Or worse, he will want to but can’t? I just can’t stand it. I can’t cry about it, I don’t like to talk about it, but every time I see him, it just kills me. Just thought it might be thereputic to jot my feelings down :(
