Thanks Jbains,

Your probably right, my gp has been trying to sign me off from work for over a week and I keep refusing and plodding along so my daughter sees some normality, with her only being 8 she's worried. She has previous experiences of my mum dealing with cancer which was terminal. So that probably isn't helping trying to show her it isnt always like that.

Came to the agreement with my manager Monday will be my last day at work before chemotherapy which is due to start in about a week and a half. She wanted me to finish this week but in true stubborn style I told her I wasn't ready for time off. 

I've got chemo to look forward too, then hopefully surgery followed by more treatment (should normally be radiotherapy but been told we need to wait until we get to that point before discussing further). But it will all hinge on how I respond to the chemo.

I'm optimistic and tryingnto take a day at a time, but not working will probably be the hardest thing to get used to at first. I'm one of those people that NEVER switch off from work. So I will need to work on that haha x 

Hey been there - I've been working since i was 15 years old and got made redundant at 50 then got diagnosis on same day. It is hard but chemo will be tough so it's better not to have to think about working and only concentrate on your health and your needs. 

Have you read Victoria Derbyshire's book? Just remember that every single person reacts differently. She had an op and chemo and radiation and it gives an insight into HER experience. I find that knowledge is power and if I know a little bit of what's coming while understanding I may be different I cope better.

The hardest thing is telling children and helping them cope dueing and afterwards. Mine were 17 and 18 years old and it wasn't any easier. We've lost quite a few friends to cancer and my mom also whim they didn't get a chance to know but are old enough to know how awful cancer is. It's a tough time but one day at a time. Your daughter will be okay - just keep talking to her. Macmillan are very good and it might be easier for her to speak with the nurses. Not keeping them involved has a negative effect - my son wasn't in the country when I went through it but flew back every 2-3 weeks. He hated talking about it and still won't. 

You'll get through this. You got this! 

Oh your right, I totally got this!!

My daughter will be fine, I've promised to be honest as possible with her and told her if she every worried or confused or even just wants to ask a question that I'm more than happy for her to talk to me about it. I know she's only 8 but she's very mindful of others and is sometimes too scared to ask something in case she hurts anybody's feelings. But she will get there. School on Monday and hopefully she will relax a bit with friends, but school is aware of the situation and have thing as in place there if she does need extra support. 

I haven't read Victoria Derbyshires book, but I will have to. I'm looking to expand my book pile so will add it to my list. I 100% agree that knowledge is power and I'm hoping during the first stage of treatment to expand my knowledge so I can prove my self right. I can do this! We can all do this. 

Mentally I'm totally ready - physically - meh probably not. But the mind is a powerful thing x 

Hi,

You've already had some great responses.

One thing I learned early on in my own cancer journey was that there's no such thing as normal. What you have described sound like classic symptoms of cancer mixed with anxiety.

I avoided finishing work for as long as I could which, with the benefit of 20:20 hindsight, was a big mistake as it just stressed me out. 

The one thing no-one warns you about regarding chemo is how boring and what an anticlimax it is. If you  need to attend a clinic take a kindle or a book with you to help pass the time. 

Good luck

Dave