Cancer Research UK main site

I need a friend

Arihia
Offline

I have just learned that a dear friend of mine has just been diagnosed with breast cancer. She is in her early forties.

At this stage I don't know what to do, where to go and I'm breaking my heart. I've never faced this before, so close to.home...im trying to be positive when I talk to her but inside.......

What can I do to support her and her family?? I just don't know what to do..   can anyone relate to how I feel????

 

Many thanks 

  • Offline

    Hi there ... welcome to our little chat room ... your definitely not on your own ... there's a lot of us breast cancer ladies on here ... my son like you was (and myself in the first few days) were in shock ... but once I'd come to terms with the word cancer, and my son and me had a talking to by my daughter in law, she said ... o.k it's cancer well deal with everything as and when it comes up .. no more what ifs ... no looking ahead and live in the day, well take every problem as and when it arises and we'll do it together ...' and we all stopped panicking, and true to her word she was with me through tests and Dr's appointments... my son and her stayed in the hospital while I had total mastectomy on right side ...

    It was not half as bad as I'd imagined ... I'm 4 months post op .. and im still the old me ... sense of humour intact, and I'm still standing ... and writing to you ... it was so much better when I accepted things and had my whole family supporting me ... yes you do have up and down days .. but there's so many on here on this journey and we hold each other up... we can help you walk this path together ... if you can make things as normal as possible, and live in the day ... you'll help her no end ... 

    So many people have this now ... and the feelings your feeling is quite normal in the early days ... life gets turned upside down and it can feel scary ... it's like a roller coaster ride ... you have to hold on tight and know it will be a bumpy ride, so hold on tight and you will get through ... you sound like a wonderful friend ... and your stronger then you realise ... we're here if you need someone to help with questions or moral support ... so big hug to you ... chrisie xx 

  • Offline

    Hi Arihia,

    Welcome to the forum. It's hard to inow what to do for the best, all I can suggest is that you listen to your friend and take your cues from her. We all need or want different things from different people at different stages of our cancer journeys.

    We're also all so very different from each other and while one of us might want a hug whilst another of us in exactly the same situations just wants everyone to back off and leave us alone! It is SO easy to put your foot in it - so make allowances for any slippage of social niceties.

    It's probably easier to say what most people don't want :-) My own pet hates are when people say "you know where we are if you need us" - "just give us a ring if you need anything" - and pity. Avoid these three and  you won't go far wrong. There's a thread under Laughter is the Best Medicine about things not to say to someone with cancer. These are funny but so many of them ring true with me.

    Practical help always wins out over best wishes - lifts to/from appointments, looking after kids or elderly relatives during appointments or just to give some respite, getting some shopping in when she can't face going out of the house - just being there unconditionally as a friend :-)

    I hope this helps.

    Best wishes

    Dave 

     

Speak to a nurse

Quick links

Follow us

Registered with Fundraising Regulator (logo)
Cancer Research UK is a registered charity in England and Wales (1089464), Scotland (SC041666), the Isle of Man (1103) and Jersey (247). A company limited by guarantee. Registered company in England and Wales (4325234) and the Isle of Man (5713F). Registered address: 2 Redman Place, London, E20 1JQ.