Hi,

A warm welcome to Cancer Chat.

I am so sorry to hear about your Dad’s diagnosis. It is hard to say how to react with him, as it will depend upon how he himself had taken his diagnosis. You will probably soon find out how he wants to deal with it. Some people want to know every minute detail, whilst others just don’t want to know or to talk about it. I cared for my mum for 12 years with breast cancer. It was only in her final year that she developed metastases in her brain, bones, liver and lungs. She was frightened of dying, so we didn’t dwell on that. Other than that we spoke as openly as possible and, we all found that this was much easier for everyone than *** footing around things.

I am sure that seeing you back in the UK will be the best medicine that your dad could have. A lot depends on how well he is when you arrive home. If he can cope, try to make as many memories as you can with him. Do you have other family over here who can help him out? It is really a case of spending time with him, of talking to him, of letting him know that he is loved. Are there any people that he might like to see, or any places that he would like to visit? How does he pass his time? Is he a reader or does he watch TV a lot? It can get too tiring to read after a while – this is where DVD’s come into play. If he likes music, perhaps you could provide something portable with headphones that he can listen to? It’s a case of trying to make him as comfortable as possible and, trying to pre-empt anything that you can do to make life easier after you return home.

I myself have had 2 bouts of breast cancer and find that I am quite happy to talk about anything to do with this terrible disease. I feel that it has been hidden for years and it is about time that we let people know what happens. Hopefully, by doing this, the general public will come to terms with it and there won’t be so much ignorance and embarrassment about this disease.

I hope that you can enjoy your Christmas, despite the circumstances.

Please keep in touch and let us know how your dad gets on. We are always here for you, whenever you feel like talking.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Ah thanks Christie. Im sorry you have this terrible journey infront of you. You sound so practical; my dad is so stuborn and when complimentary medicine was broached he said no thanks I have proffesionals looking after me. Had to giggle hes so matter a fact about the whole thing.

Your advise seems a great idea although I can hear him almost saying Blimey Im not dead yet.

Bless you and your family x

Tina

what a lovely message.

Im happy to talk about it but dad is of the opinion "im not dead yet" and "it is what it is"

His wife is quite a lot younger than him so I think hes proberbly concidering her and her life after he passes. Yes he has 2 boys by this marraige and my other sister. Its me who has no family here in Australia which makes it so hard to cope. I feel selfish saying so but I feel very down and donr feel like doing anything other than slepp and count the days until Im there. To make things worse, he has been admitted to hospital as he collapsed and they think the tumour may have bled. He has had 2 transfusions and appears to be "well" enough to soon go home.

Thank your advise and kind words. Im 51 but at this moment feel like a 12 year old who needs her family.

Tina