Hi,

I am so sorry to hear about your Dad’s recent diagnosis and the ‘spin’ it has got you in. The biopsy should let you know what type of cancer your Dad has and what stage it is at. I may be wrong, but I think that he would need a scan to discover the size of his tumour. Why don’t you write down a list of questions you have for his consultant? The best way to do this is in collaboration with your Dad, as you will both have different questions.  Take these questions with you to his next appointment. This way you should not forget to ask anything that concerns you both. Do you accompany him to his consultations? This can also be most helpful.

My Mum had breast cancer which she fought for 12 years. In her final year she was diagnosed with metastases in liver, lungs, brain and bones. She deteriorated very quickly at this stage and it was heart-breaking to watch. My best friend died of bowel cancer a few years ago and she had metastases in her liver. The oncologist said that they couldn’t cure her, but they could slow down the rate of growth with chemo. They managed to do this, because she had been told that she only had months to live but she lived for several years.

I know that it is difficult to cope with an incurable disease and this causes us to panic, thinking how we are going to manage with palliative care, loss of a loved one, etc. Try not to think of his diagnosis in this way. Instead, try to make memories with your Dad. Take things day-by-day. Make him as comfortable as you can, let him know how much you love him. Prepare small, attractive and tasty meals for him. He may find that his taste alters when he is on chemo. He may also become more tired, so let him sleep when he needs to.

Does he have any hobbies that he can still continue with to help pass the time? Is there anything in particular that he would like to do, or are there any people he would like to see? If so, perhaps you could facilitate this. Is he a reader or does he like music?

I feel for you both. It is so confusing and things happen so quickly, that it is difficult to take it all in. I expect that his oncologist is possibly trying to reduce the rate of growth, before he looks at surgery.

I am thinking of and praying for you both. Please keep in touch. There is always someone here whenever you want to talk.

Kind regards,

Jolamine x

Hi,

I have been following the forum for a few months now but have not yet made a comment, but this post made me do so. I could have written it myself. My dad was diagnosed at the end of January, with bowel cancer and secondary liver ('multiple tumours') cancer. We, as you are, we're in complete shock as he had no symptoms, no weight loss, toilet changes, tiredness etc. He just one day felt a sudden pain. The doctors suspected an infection but here we are. He has sadly been told that his care will be palliative. He has started his chemo and is doing so well but is getting very tired. As we're in very similar situations I wanted to reach out perhaps we can help each other along this journey. It has been so difficult to attempt to understand and live with but we're just trying our best. I have 2 daughters, the eldest is 3, and she keeps saying "when the medicine makes grandad better we can..." which is heartbreaking but we have to stay positive. 
 

Sending love to you and your dad. 
x

Hi My2girls,

A very warm welcome to our forum. 

I am so sorry to hear that your dad is in this unenviable position. I thought that I would reply to you, as Robynb17's post was in August 2017 and I haven't seen any recent posts from her.

It is so difficult when you have young children to know how much to tell them and heartbreaking, when you find their outlook so positive.  However, with a child who is so young, and even for your dad, a positive outcome is the best way forward. 

How many chemo sessions are they planning for your dad? I am thinking of you all and I am always here if I can help in any way. Please keep in touch.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Good Morning Lovely,

Thank you so much for reaching out. I am so so sad and sorry to hear about your Dad, it's alot to get your head wrapped around and I can't even begin to imagine what it must be like when you have small children too; it completely rocked my world as my Dad was absolutely everything to me. However we stood strong and he gave everything his best shot but sadly he passed away 16 weeks after diagnosis on boxing day 2017 after spending a month in hospice care, he was 46 years old

A positive outlook definitely helps, it doesn't meant that you're in denial because you're very aware of what's going on but you never know what the future will bring and children have a way of lighting you up. I now have a 4 and 2 year old girls and they never got to meet him so take all the pictures and make memories when and if you can; it doesn't have to be big - just him watching a movie together with your littles under a snuggly blanket are the things we take for granted. And take videos! And just try to ENJOY your Dad's time, take each day as it comes and squeeze him tight whenever you get the opportunity. 

I really hope you are surrounded by love and support at this difficult time, believe me I truly know how you must be feeling but I know from one Daughter to another you are doing YOUR BEST and that's all you can do. And be kind to yourself please. I know my situation is no longer the same as yours, but I would love to be there for you to chat to through this, as someone who understands but isn't close to your situation if ever you need to love Robyn x

Hi, thanks for your reply. So far he's on a 12 week block which will have 6 sessions in, then they want to do a CT scan to assess the impact. We're currently only on 2/6 so it feels a bit like a waiting game to see if it will help. But regardless they plan to continue treatment, be it to same course of chemo again if they feel it had a positive impact on stopping the spread or another type if it didn't. Keeping positive for my little one is helping in all honesty as it doesn't give me time to dwell on it when I'm with her.
 

Emily xx 

Thank you so much for this beautiful message. Definitely made me tear up! I'm so sorry to hear about your dad, I hadn't realised at the time of posting that your first post was so long ago. That is definitely what we're trying to do, make as many memories as possible even if they're all at home at the moment, taking everything at his pace. Congratulations on your little girls, sounds like a similiar age gap, as mine are 3 and almost 1! Thank you so much also for your request, I have accepted. It means a lot for you to respond to this post especially with yours being so long ago. 
 

emily xx 

Hey Emily, I have sent you a private message with my number but not sure if you get a notification for those so just thought I'd let you know here ️ send me a message on whatsapp and I can send you some voicenotes about my journey with Dad and hopefully lend an ear for you, I know I could've done with someone that understood. To be honest, I totally forgot I'd even posted on here it was such a blur and I was clutching at anything I could to get answers because nobody I knew understood what I was going through so I hope I can be that person for you

Hi Robynb17,

I am so sorry to hear that you lost your dad so quickly after your last post and that he never got to meet your little daughters. I hope that you didn't mind my jumping in to reply to Emily, as I wasn't sure that you were still active on the forum.

I am so glad that you have replied, as I'm sure that she will find your support and experience invaluable.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi Emily,

It is a hopeful sign that they feel that chemo will slow the growth down and also have a back up plan if needed. 

My mum had secondary breast cancer 26 years ago. It had spread to her liver, lungs, brain and bone. At that time she wasn't offered any further treatment. I am so glad that treatment has advanced somewhat since then.

I am delighted to see that robynb17 has replied to you and I'm sure that you will find her support a great thelp. Children really are a great leveller at times like this and, it's good that she can take your mind off things, if only for a little while.

Thinking of you all and I'm always here for you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx