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Partner Diagnosed with Breast Cancer, What Now?

markievw
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Hi,

Just had (Friday) the diagnosis that my partner has Breast cancer. She is 37.

She found a lump 2 weeks ago and got referred to the hospital where she went through further tests.  Went to hospital on Friday 21st July and were given the news that she did indeed have breast cancer.

After getting over the shock were were given some encouraging news that it was a very early stage cancer and Grade 1 and is about 1 cm in size.  So we have opted for surgery to remove the lump and go from there.  She should be home the same day.

She is booked in for the operation on the 16th August

I was about to go on holiday for 2 weeks to canada with my father on 20th August but am looking to cancel this. You see this holiday had special significance for me and my father as it will be his first holiday since my mum died of cancer afew years ago.  She had a very aggressive form of Ovarian Cancer, she was diagnosed in April and passed away in August of the same year.  He is 75 and we were due to fly off to Canada to see the Rockies (would probably be last chnace that he would be able to go as he would find the travel very tiring)

However, my partner is almost pleading with me to go.  She will have family and friends to look after her but I still feel that I should be at home looking after her.  What is strange is that she is pleading with me and bascially telling me that I am going!

She says that this cancer will not rule her life or anybody elses, guess its just her way of fighting back.

I just dont know what to do, any thoughts?

 

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    How about waiting till the op happens and see what the immediate aftermath is - how your wife recovers, suitable care and support in place if you do go, what future treatment may be planned and when . . .

    Make the decision at the last moment with a proviso that you can cut your holiday short should the need arise.

    Best Regards

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    Hi I had the same operation and home the same day,the feeling I had was one of relief that the had removed the lump,I would say go especially as your partner would like you to go,then she will not feel guilty. After a month I had to have radiotherapy just to make sure everything had gone,that's when I felt I needed extra support, just someone to talk to etc,hope you sort this out but please do not feel guilty,that only makes us cancer survivors feel worse,all the best ,my thoughts are with you and your family x
  • Offline in reply to jipster

    Thankyou you all for the comments that has helped me see things a little differently.

    Certainly like the idea of leaving decision to the last minute and possibly having the option to cut the holiday short.

    I still havent been able to tell my father yet, but obviously need to let him know. 

    Just that he really did have trouble dealing with mums loss.  He still cant visit the grave and put some flowers on.

     

     

  • Offline in reply to markievw

    Just out of interest is there any help my partner could get after the operation?

    WAs thinking in terms of house visits, was thinking it could be an option?

     

  • Offline in reply to markievw

    What kind of help were you thinking of,would it be to see if she ok,or to help with chores etc.regards

  • Offline in reply to jipster

    Was thinking all the above.

    Think it would be good to have some one come round to talk to her and maybe help with chores when I am not there.

     

  • Offline in reply to markievw

    I would advise you speak to Macmillan nurses if you are in the uk,or also the breast nurse at the hospital that gave the diagnosis,in my experience I was ok after the operation but needed more help after radiotherapy due to tiredness etc. I did not needed chemotherapy but radiotherapy started about 4 weeks after the lump was removed,hope this helps a little.

  • Offline in reply to markievw

    Have you told anyone about your wife having cancer?

    If so, I bet everyone said, 'if there's anything I can do, don't hesitate . . .'

    Take them up on their offer. Be specific. As in, 'I'd like you to visit for 2 hours every other day to keep her company'. 'I'd like you to check if she needs any shopping on a daily basis'. Etc.

    It'd please me if my wife/daughter would have some respite time but the wife at least is not interested in doing any such thing. May all the gods bless her. ( I'm an atheist, by the way, it's just an expression)

  • Offline in reply to Taff

    Just been finding out more about this cancer.

    I understand that there is also a possibility/chance that the cancer may of spread? And it is more than just this lump?

    So the initial diagnosis of operation to remove lump followed by radiotherapy may not always be correct?

     

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