Hi Suzanne,

I am so sorry to hear about your father-in-law. My mother started off with breast cancer which she had for 12 tears. In the latter stages this progressed to secondaries in liver, lungs and bone. Like your father-in=law, she declined very rapidly which was heart-breaking to watch.

The only people who might be able to give you an indication of how long he has left are his care team. Even then it is just a guesstimate, as everyone is different and some people can defy all the odds.

With regard to coping, don’t try to look at the bigger picture. It is too much to deal with at this stage. Just make him as comfortable as you can and take things day by day. This is such a difficult time for you all – you don’t want to see him suffer, yet you don’t want to let him go.

My thoughts and prayers are with you all, and we are always here to support the family through this difficult time.

Jolamine xx

I lost my beloved son to thyroid cancer 6 weeks ago .. the day before his funeral I was told I have aggressive stage 4 kidney cancer which has spread to my bones and I have a lot of pain from my ribs which is what I presented with at the doctors otherwise like your father in law I look well.   I don't understand why your father in law is not suitable for treatment .. I started treatment last week.  Is it because it has spread to many organs?  That is really tough on him.  Yes how do we cope? But sadly we don't have a choice and have to cope.

With my son who struggled for 4 years with his cancer no doctor would give a prognosis and right until the end we thought he would get better .. even the week he was dying no one told us and I feel sure they must have known he was dying except for us. It was unbearable.  All medical staff said to us was 'how long is a piece of string' and everyone is different. 

I wish you and your father in law the very best and never give up hope.  Is there a trial drug that may help?