Hi Totty.

I have breast cancer, so unfortunately my knowledge of prostate cancer is very limited. Your analogy of being hit by a steam train upon diagnosis is a pretty accurate description of how most of us feel. I expect that your dad was probably trying to put a brave face on things for your sake. Knowing that there are only the two of you left I imagine that he is naturally trying to protect you.

A cancer diagnosis is not an easy thing to get your head around, for either the patient or his family. You can find yourself feeling, angry, desolate, frightened, depressed, tired and a whole lot of other sentiments all on the one day. You will probably also find that you cry a lot when out of sight of your dad. Let the tears flow, as this is a good release valve. These emotions will also affect your dad.

If you are constantly by his side, I presume that you attend his hospital appointments too. This is helpful both for your dad and for yourself. If you have difficulty in remembering all the questions you want answered, draw up a list with your dad. Take it with you to the hospital. This way you won’t forget to ask the important questions.

By being with him and catering to his need you are doing all you can to help him. Do you think that it might be worth having a word either with his GP or his oncologist to see if they could prescribe something for his depression? Many cancer patients have to do this.  Try your best not to look at the bigger picture. You will manage much better if you take things day by day. Do your best to make some good memories together if he is fit enough to do this.

It is difficult to find the strength to see him through this sticky stage, but you will find it from somewhere – I suspect that adrenaline keeps many of us going. There will be times when you feel frustrated because you feel inadequate. There is only so much you can do and sometimes it can be heart breaking to watch a loved one deteriorate before your very eyes,

Iam thinking of you both and praying for a good outcome.

Keep in touch with this forum as there are many members who are in a similar situation to yourself and you will find it helpful to know that you can always turn to the forum for support.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx