I have been diagnosed with stage 4 squamous cell carcinoma of my ano-rectal junction with a liver metastasis and a para aortic lymph nodes. I am embarrassed because of the type of cancer and I have also had really negative experience with the different doctors as the surgeons have one opinion and the oncologists another. I am also appalled about the length of time to decide on treatment - 20years ago I had cervical cancer and from diagnosis to treatment was 3weeks I am now at 2months and only just now has a decision been made for systemic chemotherapy. In that time my symptoms have got worse and the pain has started and my positive attitude is waning. I am trying any complementary therapy and they help but as soon as the doctors/nurses call I lose any positivity as they are so negative. In my real life I work in the NHS and I try to be positive with my patients and their treatment but I feel bullied and coerced I really hope my patients don't feel like that.

I am petrified of starting chemotherapy and the only thing keeping me going is my 5 year old son who shouts at my stomach "shrink".