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babz1978
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hi just found out my mum got stage 1/2 eusophagus cancer and just been given the options for treatment althou been kinda advised on wots best . mum has copd and ended up in hos few moths ago as had chest infection which got out of control . they found sthing behind her ulcer and with all the rapid investigations now been told this . i just canny cope way my mum having to go throu this as shes just a poor soul and always been a wonderful person and always been there for me . im really strughling at work as my mum worked with me for years before she took no well . folk ask constantly how she is and iv been lying saying yes ok as didnt want tell anyone anything til it was confirmed . i handled work fine til now and last few days iv been telling folk and few of her work mates have broke down and shocked and since then i have been a wreck . tday has been the worst and i honestly cant cope way her going throu this i feel am going have a breakdown but i also feel angry as i canny do noubt about it . i canny change it or mk it btr where as in the past i always help and sort certain stuff for her and i canny change this and tk her fear away . i also feel selfish to moan wen mum scared and trying stay strong and im here and canny deal way my own feelings . i kmow all i can do is b there for her and support her which i do but im really struggling as im angry sad worried etc and all these feelings at the same time i think am gonna end up way a breakdown . av no slept or ate very much and i feel my stomach like a washing machine . think im gonna nd go to doc for some sort of medication just to settle me down a bit to actually function

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    Hi,

     

    I am going through something very simlar, my mum was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2014, it then spread to her spine, and recently has spread to her hip and 2 of her ribs. At first i was devestated and went in myself but my mum begged me to be 'normal' beause thats what would help her - i was planning my wedding at the time and she said that it would make her happy if we could just plan it together as if there was nothing wrong. I faked it through a few things and then when i see how happy it made my mum i actually got into it again and we planned away and made some amazing memories doing it. I feel like i have to be strong for my mum but after finding out it had spread again just after the wedding that it had spread again to her hip and ribs i have been so vunrable, tearful at most things, not sleeping and having horrible nightmares when i do sleep. My husband  has asked me to speak to him about my feelings but i really cant beause he will never be able to understand what im going though - shes my best friend and im so worried about her all the time. He has asked if i would like to speak to a therepist but i really think its good to speak to people going through the same thing and thats why iv come on here - i just wanted to see if i was the only one having these feelings.

    She is a fantastic nan to my niece and nephews but its heart breaking to see that she struggles to pick them up and play with them how she used too because i know how much she wants too. so can only have them when my dads not at work or i am around to help.

    As much as it hurts, i know i have to carry on being strong for my mum, her consultant said to her that she reacts to treatments when shes happy so thats my main goal.

     

    I would say stay away from medication - i am going to try herbal sleeping tablets to see if they can help and a nurse recommended yoga for both me and my mum - were not yoga people and my mum would struggle with alot of the moevemnts but im considering doing a private class just to see how it goes - plus more one on one time with my mum is never a bad thing.

     

    I feel for you so much and i know the exact feeling your talking about! nobody can make it better but you must stay posotive for your mum, take everything the doctors say that are positives and focus on them, do things your mum wants to do and most of all be normal for your mum - it will help her!

    Im sorry that the vile C word has effected you!

     

  • Offline in reply to LJP90

    thankyou very much for ur story and words . i feel talking to people that know exactly wot u going throu is defa the best option . i just feel the worry and my nerves r overwelming i really do . i watched my fatger in law die last year of cancer and it was awful . i think a cancer death is soooo much dif from any other death that i have witnessed and cant bare to watch my mum go throu that . i will b strong for her always as mums a very strong woman always has been but wen im no around her im a wreck just now sooo crabit and emotional and doing daily things is a struggle . i have a son of 18 and partner and i know they understand and r upset aswell but its my mum i think the pain and worry is soooo much deeper. i just feel i want shut ebody out as i get angry aswell and think shes worked hard all her life .worked throu all her other health issues without a moan . dad left her years ago due to an affair he was having . poor woman been throu alot alreadys and now this !!! just sooooo frigging angry . to contain it daily im struggling and only found out . god treatment no even started yet i hate to think how things r going to go i really do . again thankyou for tking the time to read my story and to reply . xx

  • Offline in reply to babz1978

    It seems to happen to the best people, and the people who do not deserve it what so ever!! i always tell people shes ok and talk about somehting else but there are times when it gets to me but if i let myself think about things too much like you said i wouldnt be able to do basic daily things! try 0127383412 its Cancer Vive which is a helpline for relatives of people with cancer and cancer patients themselves. x

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