Cancer Research UK main site

Scared and have young children!

scaredmum33
Offline

Hi I'm just looking for people who can sort of relate to what I'm going through. I have just been diagnosed with breast cancer. It has spread to my lymph glands as well. I'm waiting for my ct scans and bone x rays to come back to see if it has spread anywhere else in my body. I have been told I will lose my breast and will have to have my glands removed in my arm pit too. I'm waiting for my results to come back to find out if we start chemo first or surgery. I have 2 little children 6 and 8. We are telling them Tuesday day after boxing day, I want them to have a normal Christmas. I'm so scared how my children will react I feel so guilty that my children are going to have to see me go through this and I can't protect them x

  • Offline

    Hi ScaredMum,

    You're in about the worst phase at the moment, waiting for results is never easy. Your children may surprise you, children often take things in their stride that would knock adults for six. As long as you explain things to them from the start in a way that they can understand.

    You have probably seen it already but there are some good pointers at www.cancerresearchuk.org/.../talking-to-children

    Good luck with your results and treatment!

    Best wishes

    Dave

  • Offline in reply to davek

    Hi dave thank u for your reply. Yes I'm learning waiting is the hardest part. It's hard because I feel I have found out the worst news and what is going to happen but still have to wait to get started. And knowing that no matter what comes back I still have cancer. I know my children will amaze me they are what gets me up every day and put on a brave face because they know nothing.  As long as I make them proud I will know I have done my best. 

    Your story was amazing to read and I wish u all the best and happiness for the future

    Michelle

  • Offline in reply to scaredmum33

    Hi there,it's an anxious wait that's the worst for us all but your children will keep you going I know this because I've just finished 5 months of intensive chemo,I'm 42 and  my cancer is stage 4,incurable but can be maintained for years,I won't lie there were days that were so hard towards the end of treatment I felt like throwing the towel in but my little girl's face got me up and got me through those days and I fight for her every single day and you will do the same too, it's a mother thing..

    We are all here to support you,ask questions or worries it does help to share your fears,there are many who will know more about the type you have than I do but anytime you need a friend youl find plenty of us on here!

    Best wishes and hope the kids have a lovely happy Christmas! 

    Gill

     

  • Offline
    I can totally relate to what you're going through right now. I'm 41 and just this week found out I have a rare form of skin cancer in my scalp that has spread to my lymph nodes and chest. I have 3 children (12, 9, 6). I do not yet know what treatment options are available as they don't know a lot about my cancer. It is so hard to stay positive and in many ways finding out at Christmas is just the worst timing ever. We told the kids when we found out. They're not stupid and far more perceptive than you think. They knew something was wrong and they've heard about cancer (I asked my 9 years old how she knew and she said children in need). We had a good cry and hug which helped me enormously and all resolved that we should focus now on having a great Christmas. They have been brilliant and seem to have taken it in their stride which is helping me accept the news too so I am pleased we told them. I am now going to try and park it to one side and focus on my family for at least the next week and in a funny way finding out now and having Christmas will be a good distraction. I wish you the best of luck with your situation. I was dreading telling my kids and family but actually it has been a relief and I'm so glad that they are with me. I hope you will find this too xx
  • Offline in reply to Gillian99
    Hi Gill thank u so much for replying. I definitely agree the children are my biggest focus and it helps me to not feel to sorry for myself and just keep going day by day. I will be glad to tell the children as my 8 year old knows something is wrong but he thinks it's to do with me and my husband we separated 4 months ago so it has been a horrible year. But I am very lucky because he is here supporting me and helping so it will be a positive thing that the children will see we are still a family it's just been such a tough year for them already. Thank u for your kind words it is a nice feeling to know u aren't alone. I wish u all a merry Christmas Michelle xx
  • Offline in reply to Hippochick

    Hi thank u for replying. It is a whirl wind of emotions I will be glad when we have told the children I don't like them thinking there are secrets. My family do know and I definitely agree it does really help talking they find it strange that I can make jokes and laugh about certain parts but it's my way of coping at the mo because I need to put on a brave face for my children and I know there will be plenty of lows. 

    I wish u all the best and hope u have a lovely Christmas and your family 

    Michelle x

  • Offline

    Hi

    i am sorry to hear about what you are going through.

    i work with young kids and I have had so many of them ask me questions about this sort of stuff and you never know how they will react.

    i recommend seeing if they can go to a friend from school after telling them to let it sink in slowly. 

    It can be very distressing and I do have so many cubs in much arms in tears of on the phone tab 3 am.

    again if they don't take It well try to get tub to speak to someone as I do notice effects once i have chatted with them for an hour .

    try to get them to speak to someone they look up to like aunts or uncles or grandparents.

    lastly if they want to run off and hit something and cry let them as long as it is safe what's they are doing. This match seem stupid but they need to let their emotions out somehow and it could be the second you tell them or in 3 weeks you never know 

    just make your their teachers know that they are dealing with something in case this happens in school 

    do feel free to message me if you need help and I Am more than happy to help.

    i hope you Had a good Christmas 

  • Offline

    Hi I'm sorry to hear this I can totally understand I have a different kind of cancer but I have 5 children ( 12,11 autism,9,6,2) I was diagnosed in august this year the only advice I will say is tell them everything that u know everything that the docs tell u in terms that they will understand and let them go though things with u like with mine they watch me have my hair shaved off and I talked to there school so they new what's happening as my 6 year old and 9 year old didn't cope the school was great. they all new I was having special medicine to make me better and I might have to stay in hospital when I get ill ... It has been hard but I sat down with my kids and asked them when the doctor says mummy's all better what shall we do they said a party not sure when it will be but I'm half way there xxxx

Speak to a nurse

Quick links

Follow us

Registered with Fundraising Regulator (logo)
Cancer Research UK is a registered charity in England and Wales (1089464), Scotland (SC041666), the Isle of Man (1103) and Jersey (247). A company limited by guarantee. Registered company in England and Wales (4325234) and the Isle of Man (5713F). Registered address: 2 Redman Place, London, E20 1JQ.