Cancer Research UK main site

terminal cancer

pobble65
Offline

I am 75 years old, my wife died of cancer five years ago.

My son of 51 has recently been diagnose with terminal cancer, (3 to 6 months).

Last night , after a I 'phoned him and my emotions got the better of me.I started to cry

today I feel that my show of emotion has caused him some distress as he told me that he did no need that sort of outpouring.

He phoned this morning and reiterated that he can do without his showof grief on my part, which I do understand, but I also feel grief and I do not know how toshow him how I feel without distressing him further

  • Offline

    hello,

    I can understand your grief I am the 64 year old mother of a 34 year old son who has a similar prognosis, although time prognosis is not an exact science.  I cannot help you as I think mothers and sons have a different relationship and as our cancer journey has progressed I am lucky that my son talks to me about his pain, his fears, his anger at his life expectancy being cut short, things he does not talk to his father about.  They both find it painful to articulate the potential reality of the situation, but they hug and say they love each other a lot more than before.  This will not help you as all relationships are different and he probably is still coming to terms with his diagnosis.  As somebody has already said on this site, try to think of the present and what you have together and not the future which is maybe not as we fear.  Love to you. lesliexxx

  • Offline

    Hi Pobble,

    I'm of a similar age to your son and when first diagnosed it can often feel as if the cancer patient is the one who is emotionally supporting everyone else. My guess is that you won't be the first person to have unloaded your grief onto him and maybe this was the last straw. 

    Give him time to come to terms with his lousy diagnosis and limited prognosis himself. He will appreciate how much this has hit you and may eventually feel bad about snapping at you, but at the moment he is probably angry with the world and having to face a very uncertain future. Make sure he knows that you are available if he needs any practical help and do your best to carry on being his Dad in whatever way you normally do that.

    Hopefully things will settle down again over the next few days, try to keep your emotions under control when talking to your son. Believe me, he will appreciate it.

    Best wishes
    Dave 

Speak to a nurse

Quick links

Follow us

Registered with Fundraising Regulator (logo)
Cancer Research UK is a registered charity in England and Wales (1089464), Scotland (SC041666), the Isle of Man (1103) and Jersey (247). A company limited by guarantee. Registered company in England and Wales (4325234) and the Isle of Man (5713F). Registered address: 2 Redman Place, London, E20 1JQ.