Parents making things harder

Hi everyone, 

I'm 23 and was diagnosed with thyroid cancer in June this year. I was told it was a "good" cancer and that everything would be fine. After talking to my parents about it they said things like" it isn't proper cancer anyway" and when I don't feel up for doing things because I'm tired they'll say "I think that excuse is wearing abit thin now" . Later on in June after the second surgery I was told the cancer had spread to my lymph nodes. Then after a CT scan on my head, neck and chest I was told it had potentially spread to my lungs. I'm probably not as ill as some but I have no idea how to make them understand that actually it's serious and it sucks! 

  • Hi Jessica So sorry that your parents are not being as supportive as you need them to be. Cancer can be hard enough & make you feel isolated without dealing with this. I suspect part of it is them not wanting to accept what is happening to you. That doesnt help you though. You would benefit from counselling. I lost my husband 3 years ago & recently got through breast cancer. Despite lots of supportive friends & family, counselling has helped me enormously as they are so independent & objective. Alternatively you may have to be blunt & tell them exactly how it is & how it makes you feel. You need them. Take care & wishing you all the best xx

  • Hi Jessical I'm so sorry you was diagnosed with cancer it's so hard for anybody who been told they got cancer and now it's spread . You really need to sit you parents down and talk to them if they don't listen then make them . You can't do this on you own you need family and friends supporting you at time like this . Do they come with you to appointments and scan . It sounds like they don't want to accept what going on they in denial. When my mother was diagnosed with cancer her mother was same as your parents she use to say to me how well she looked I use to feel like screaming at them do you know how serious this is . some people don't want to accept what going on around them . If you cant talk to them they still wouldn't listen write down on paper how you feel . Hope everything goes ok you always got someone on here to chat with . If you got questions you can ask nurse take care . 

  • Hi Jessica,

    Of course it is a real cancer, whoever told you that is is a good cancer to have is an utter idiot. Survival rates are higher than for other cancers but a significant percentage of people die from it and you shoudn't have to be worrying about this risk on your own.  

    I think it is time for some tough love with your parents. They are obviously deluding themselves and pretending that things aren't as serious as they so obviously are. This is getting in the way of you receiving the emotional support you need. 

    Whenever people tell me that I look SO well, I sometimes feel like yelling at them that I'm not pretending, I really do have cancer and yes I will almost certainly die before my time! Of course I don't, but the temptation is always there. It is different with parents though.

    Have you tried talking to them separately about this? You may find that one of them is in denial but the other knows only too well what the risks are but is scared of upsetting the other. 

    Alternatively you could just print out some statistics about thyroid cancer and give it to them saying this is why I'm so scared of what might happen to me.

    Best wishes
    Dave

  • hi jessica,    i think davek  is right, everything he said, its time to let them know, this is real, and you need there propper support, no matter if they want to be in denial, like it sounds... i hope it all goes well..were all here if you need us.:)

  • Hello Jessica,

    What a shock for you, and at such a young age too. Any type of cancer is life threatening and it is awful if you are not getting support. Perhaps they could go to your next app and talk to the doctors? Are there other family members to help you get through to them ? 

    18 months ago when I was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and had brain surgery I had a lot of concern and support, now I am doing o k but not sure what the future holds, feel some people think everything is fine. 

    Don't  think you are not as ill as some! Everyone living with cancer has their own experiences , worries, fears and good and bad days. Some people have lovely families to support them., sadly some have no-one .

    Another thought, do you have a good GP that may help you get them to understand? 

    Or is there a McMillan nurse helping you.. ?

    All the best for the future Jessica, hope you  get some support.

    Best wishes

    Eileen 

     

     

     

  • Hi Jessica, I'm sorry to hear you are having a difficult time. Parents are a strange being, I think sometimes they just dont know what to do with such news, they make light of it because they don't want to have to face the reality that its worse than they think. I'm 40 diagnosed with stage 2 endometrial cancer about two weeks ago now, still waiting for to find out if its spread, having a total hysterectomy on the 24th which will hopefully get it or at least let them stage it properly so I know whether I'll need chemo etc. My parents are the complete opposite. They are absolutely smothering me, I've lived in my own home for 20 yrs now, I don't have any children, I guess I always thought there would be time, but heyho. I think they are scared to leave me on my own incase anything happens, I can understand that. Can you maybe get some more information about your cancer that you can give them, when its in black and white it may be easier for them to understand. Oh I can so relate to the tired thing, I've already had one op and another to go, some days its tiring keeping your head above water never mind doing anything more, but you know its ok if the only thing you did today was drink tea and watch rubbish Christmas films lol. Keep your chin up pet and I hope you can get through to them , you need their support more than ever right now. Let us know how you get on xxx

     

  • Jessica and Nicklap my heart goes out to you both.Though i am now in the c club, a club i never imagined i would be in.I agree with the words above to make your parens realise, it IS  serious and you need their SUPPORT more than ever.And Nicklap, i too am being smothered by my mum, who goes to pieces when i telephone,as she immediately panics.Its less than 3 weeks for me,i am trying to be positive.I am NOT liking this 2 week wait to see if the cancer has spread.I send love to you both from Pepps xx

  • Thank you pepps for your kind words. Yes this is also a club I never thought id be in. I am however very positive about everything, they found my cancer by accident really, I went in to have a cyst and ovary removed and two weeks later it was cancer. Most endometrial cancers aren't diagnosed till women are 60+ so I reckon fingers crossed they have it early rather than later. I can relate to the waiting, that's all I seem to have done for the last month or so its so frustrating!!! I've always been a glass half full kind of person despite a lifetime of notorious (amongst my friends and family) bad luck lol. So I will continue to be positive despite the odd wobble here and there (usually in Asda - there staff think I'm the local crazy) . Good luck to you on your journey ahead and I hope all the waiting brings you positive news

     

    Nic xx

  • Hi there 

     

    I'm sorry to hear this. I think like others have said it may be to do with them not accepting it well. My mum is ok but my dad keeps saying I'll be fine when I don't know how I'm going to be. Do you have any local cancer support groups either charities or linked to your local NHS as these can often help in situations like this. Have you shown then the booklet on this type of cancer from Macmillan too ? I hope it all works out x