Hi, I'm Sue.  I have recently been diagnosed with breast cancer and on Tuesday I had a lumpectomy and sentinel nodes removed for biopsy, then in a few weeks I'm to start radiotherapy.  It's just 4 weeks since I went to my GP with what I thought was a cyst, and everything has moved so quickly that I'm sitting here looking at the cannula bruises on my arm and wincing at the op sites under my arm and under my breast, and wondering what the heck just happened.  My lump was small and hopefully the sentinel nodes won't show anything untoward, and I am doing my best to maintain a positive attitude for a positive outcome.  And I am trying to ignore the horrendous hot flushes that I've had since coming off the HRT 2 weeks ago which I know will get worse when I go onto hormone therapy.  I live on my own.

I have a sister in the USA, and by a horrible coincidence she too has just been diagnosed with breast cancer.  Unfortunately hers is stage 3, large and deep, and she tells me her treatment will be radical double mastectomy, radiotherapy and chemotherapy (she had a biopsy on Tuesday, as the same time as I was having my lumpectomy).  She also has a verbally abusive husband who has major heart problems and depression and does not give much help, care, or support, and as a result she relies very heavily on me for emotional support.  When we speak on the phone tomorrow she wants to talk about whether to go ahead with the treatment and fight, or whether to go with palliative care and enjoy what time she has left. 

Usually when she wants advice I can give it reasonably objectively, but I can't this time.  One of the problems is that she is a very negative person, narcissistic, and I can't always believe everything she tells me.  She told me she had a lump in one breast so why a double mastectomy?  And I know that stage 3 isn't good, but it does mean that the cancer hasn't metastasized, doesn't it (according to the booklet I've been given)?  So stage 3 isn't necessarily terminal?  Although if left untreated I guess it would be eventually.  Or have I got that wrong? 

I feel so ill-equipped to have the 'fight or give in' discussion because whenever I tell her that something is her decision alone and nobody else can make it for her she tells me that I'm all she has to live for and she will do whatever I say.  But if what I say isn't what she wants to hear she ignores it!  I usually cope by breathing deeply and doing a bit of mindfulness meditation or tai chi, but I am tired and sore after my surgery and not as patient as usual.  Not to mention that I am still steaming at her message to me on Facebook where she said 'I am glad your cancer has gone'.

I know that nobody can tell me what to say to her tomorrow, but I really just needed to let all of that out, sorry! :(