Hi tasha35 .

My names Hayley I'm 42 and I was also diagnosed with bowel cancer at the beginning of June . It's a shocking and scary diagnosis and there is so much information to take in .

The treatment options and surgical options vary a massive amount depending on where the cancer is and what stage it is I don't know if they have discussed this with you. 

My mum had bowel cancer it was caught early she had a small course of chemo had surgery on her bowel then had radiotherapy and chemo afterwards and is now 6 years free of disease.

For myself mine has already spread to my liver and I have started straight onto a 12 round course of chemo over 6 months (I'm sat at home with round 3 running in through a pump)

The doctors haven't even mentioned surgery for me yet and I don't dare ask in case they say it won't work. However I'm just taking it one week at a time and just concentrating on the next thing on the to do list which is the fortnightly chemo sessions then I will have another scan after the 6th dose.

As to the way your feeling I guess it's normal some days I forget about it all then some times it's really difficult. I'm not really good at advice regarding how to deal with family other than to be as open and honest with them as they want to feel involved and it's less scary if they have the facts . 

If you can think of any other questions that would be helpful just let me know xxxx

Hi Tasha, welcome to the forum, but sorry for you having been diagnosed with bowel cancer. I had surgery six and a half years ago for a colon re-section and I'm still here. I'm more than twice your age too, and I felt much like you that my life was on its' way out, but I'm still here. True, it hasn't been a walk in the park for sure and even though I'm much older than you, I was still not ready to die, but I thought I would. Right now, you are still dealing with the shock of this diagnosis. Give yourself permission to feel the fear and forgive yourself for being scared. You don't have to apologize for being scared. Everyone who gets diagnosed with cancer is darn scared initially, but no one really knows how that feels until it happens to them, so forgive people for not understanding. However, you are not responsible for making them feel better about it. Perhaps easing up on your partner might be a good idea though. He's likely just as scared and disappointed as you are. Try to arrange a time when you and he can sit down quietly without interruption and talk about how you both feel and really listen to each other without losing it and ending up in an argument. It might even help to get professional counselling for both of you to deal with this. Your doctor or your treatment team should be able to direct you to a cousellor.  

As far as trying to stay "positive" about all of this; that's fine for people without a cancer diagnosis to say. A positive attitude never cured cancer that I'm aware of. You don't say how old your son is, but I'm assuming he's quite young. I would be careful about what you tell him at this point. Children don't have the maturity to understand these issues. If you're feeling unwell, certainly you can say that, but tell him that the doctors are helping you out with that. He doesn't need all the details at this point for sure.

Years ago, a cancer diagnosis was almost like a death sentence; these days that isn't the case. People are living longer with cancer, and in a lot of cases, cancer is being cured. Right now, give yourself permission to be scared; you're allowed. Try to do things you enjoy as a way of reducing the stress you're under right now. When you get more information, you will be better able to do what you need to do to get through this.

Writing in to this forum was a great move for you. People here are very caring and supportive and we will help you through this. Take good care of yourself and write in any time you need to offload the stress and someone will be reading and responding.

Sending hugs.

Lorraine   

Hi Tasha

i was dagnoised with bowel cancer last year June I was 45, had surgery, six months of chemo (worked during chemo) and now get checked - blood and CT scans every three months, then I think it goes to six monthly then yearly.  It's very scary and surreal it's like you hear it but you don't grasp it.  We have all felt how you feeling so you not alone and you've come to the right place if you just want to chat or seek advise.  Your plan is in place by the Drs take it one step at a time and try your best to focus on recovering from surgery and remaining strong, this mindset will also help you heal better and not give yourself setbacks - nobody says it's easy but as you can see from all of us it's doable.  But you are entitled to have a cry, feel mad - just know we all here

Medicine has come a long way and my chemo was nowhere near as bad as I thought it would be, but that was my experience.  

sending positive vibes

JB

Hello and I'm sorry you find yourself here,

I like you am a mum and my world is in turmoil also, I can't offer much advice as I am only at the beginning myself still awaiting to be sat down officially and told everything but the last week has been chaotic and a roller coaster.

It all began with a last resort colonoscopy as they've been treating me for ibs and piles instead,pile cream twice in the last few months was perscribed and the DRE wasn't even done, it was a view examination instead he chose, my previous colonoscopy removed polyps but I was told they were fine, nothing was followed up and this was over three years ago, despite all my other symptoms my go couldn't fast track me due to being in my 30s as like you I was told I was too young. 

at my recent meeting with a new consultant he was concerned I had IBD if he thought more then this he never gave me indication, so I went in expecting this as the confirmed diagnosis, instead I was told they had found a tumour and they believed it to be cancer.

I have been to Drs and hospitals repeatedly in the last months asking for help with symptoms and pain but as I have lots of other stuff wrong it was banded under these being the cause.

Within a day I was in for ct scans and had my Mri on day 7, Today is day 11for me since they discovered my tumour and although very emotional I have cried less today so far. The radiographer at the Mri mentioned treatments and a fight, the staff at my ct mentioned consultants the go had a letter which mentions malignant tumour but the official MDT meeting has not yet discussed my case so I don't know how good or difficult the overview is.

For coping I have tried to be proactive with this as much as possible, I suffer from long term depression and PTSD on top of everything else so this has been an interesting experience to add to so many others but I have tried to read a little about what I can do in the interim like what I eat so as not to strain my bowel, keeping mobile drinking plenty of fresh water and detoxing as much as I can. I have been writing my feelings sometimes easier to write and then allow it to be shared if you choose or to enable you a space to actually out it on paper without it being totally overwhelming.

My children all have various health issues and disability and rely on me heavily, and my husband in the initial first 8 days refused to believe any of it, he has explained it was his way of hoping and coping, maybe you're partner is a little lost and scared too but doesn't know how to show you he cares.

As a wider family we have been badly affected by cancer and For anyone this diagnosis pulls the carpet from under us but the support from other people walking in our shoes is out there. Whilst the cancers may be different I don't think the feelings and emotions are, have you been given the necessary details you require and want to enable you to feel somewhat empowered in what feels like an uncontrollable situation?

Have you access to other support that may help support you also, the biggest thing I have been advised is to try and be as calm as possible as a calmer body is better for our immune system and the adrenalin which can fuel toxins in our body is slowed down. Have you ever done yoga, meditation or visualisation I only mention these as these are a tool  that can be used for dealing with panic, stress and worry, maybe listen to or watch a video on you tube or similar.

So much happens at such a fast pace then other days feel like an eternity in them days I am trying to write, watch mundane stuff, do artwork, laugh, love and be kind to myself when I feel panicked and terrified. I know it isn't easy but if you write down the bits you can manage or would like to do until more news is known or surgery comes around then this may help you feel more in control and provide a focus for the day but also give you something to look back at once you're through the other side. 

Stay strong, L xx