Cancer Research UK main site

The difficult questions....

brightongirl81
Offline

I have just found out my mum has pancreatic cancer that has also spread to some of her lymph glands.

She has been told that it is terminal :-(

She had been having pains in her tummy for a couple of months, and lost 2 stone in the 4 weeks before she was diagnosed so is now down to only 6 stone.

I live 4 hours hours away and am having to decide when to move back as i want to be with mum to support her.

The difficult question has not been spoken of and all i have to go on at present is online statistics which i think im having a hard time accepting........how long does my mum really have?

Given that she has lost so much of her already slight frame, it worries me that things will go downhill alot quicker. She is currently in hospital whilst the doctors get on top of the pain etc before she can go home to be an out-patient for chemo. 

Any honest advice would be much appreciated.

  • Offline
    hi Brighton girl As no one can tell just how long someone will live, there are many on this forum who are well past their estimated expiry dates, whilst others have passed away very quickly, it is well to spend as much time with your mum as you can. She will certainly need help with living at home after being discharged from hospital. If you are able to arrange time off work and are financially able to do so, then as soon as you can arrange it. best wishes for you and your mum Kim
  • Offline in reply to kimchoson

    Hi Kim,

     

    Thankyou for your reply.

    You are not the first to say to me, to spend all the time i can with mum and its starting to make me realise that everything else can wait.

    It sucks that things like job; rent etc can get in the way but i know my mum is always looking out for me, and doesnt want me to give anything up, even temporarily. I am very lucky that partner can support me so i can walk away from those things, for now, and be with mum.

    My stubborn mum drives me round the bend at times (guess thatl be where i get it from!)....right now i wouldnt want it any other way xx

     

  • Offline

    So sorry to hear about your mum's devastating news. Big hugs to you also through this hard time. I know it's difficult and I'd be a hypocrite to say not to Google things because sometimes that's all we've got but just remember all they are is statistics and your mum is her own individual person and she could very well outlive those statistics like many do. Try to focus on those numbers and at present focus on spending time with your mum as times never been so precious as it is now. Things can change very quickly in life so I think it's important to make sure you are there for your mum if you're able to. 

    Im only 27 and my dad's got stage 4 incurable bowel cancer which has spread to his lungs and liver he was diagnosed 15 months ago. He's also almost died last year when his bowel obstructed a 'blockage' and had a stroke Feb this year...but he's still going. Keeping upbeat helps him massively we don't promise him he will be fine because sadly we know he won't but we try to not focus too much on how ill he is as this will only have a negative impact on his health and way of thinking. I do hope your mum isn't in any pain and I do wish her all the best. 

    Keep strong and remember to come on here if you need a chat x 

  • Offline in reply to brightongirl81

    Hi BrightonGirl,

    Kim's response makes a lot of sense. It's hard to guess how long any of us has. That said, we need to plan for the worst and hope for the best.

    Your Mum definitely needs you more than the people at work do and if you're in a position to take some time out you should be there.

    Best wishes

    Dave

Speak to a nurse

Quick links

Follow us

Registered with Fundraising Regulator (logo)
Cancer Research UK is a registered charity in England and Wales (1089464), Scotland (SC041666), the Isle of Man (1103) and Jersey (247). A company limited by guarantee. Registered company in England and Wales (4325234) and the Isle of Man (5713F). Registered address: 2 Redman Place, London, E20 1JQ.