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feeling lost

El_Pope
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Hello,

Not really sure why I'm writing this but feeling very lost.

My mum went into hospital over 3 weeks ago with Jaundice, she was then diagnosed with Kidney stones. After tests it turns out she has stage 4 bowel cancer which has spread to her liver. It's been a complete shock to all of the family and my dad has hardly left her side since she was admitted.

She's had a stoma bag put in 1 week ago and has barely gotten out of bed since then and drinking very little and eating even less. I know she has had a shock but she won't get out to walk and I can;t help feeling that she is just giving up. Before her surgery she seemed quite philsophical and was ready to fight but now she can barely stand up for more than 30 seconds. She is due to have chemo when she is strong enough but I fear she won't be able to stand it. The doctors say she has worse to come and is struggling to get over this stoma and the chemo is much worse.

I'm devasted. I love my mum so much and I just don't seem to be able to help her.

The doctor says the chemo is paliative and not curative. I'm guessing her illness is terminal and don't understand why they can't just cut it out of her.

I'm trying to be strong but I'm so scared.

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    Hi

    im sorry to hear your sad news about your lovely mum.  What a horrible shock for you and your family, cancer can completely side swipe you, some of us  can take a little longer to regain our feet.  A week is very early days if mum has just had a stoma bag fitted.  I imagine she is well and truly exhausted physically and emotionally as you must be too trying to cope with everything.  Does your mum have a specialist nurse you can share your concerns with and ask the questions you have whizzing around your head.  I'm glad you have joined this friendly bunch, you will never be alone...it is alright to be scared... It's not week,  try to remember.   When you need a break to recharge it's ok to do so 

    sending you a big hug xxx

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    Hello, 

    I'm so sorry to hear about your mum's diagnosis, I understand what a massive shock it is for you as a family. 

    I had to reply to you because I'm in more or less the same situation as you. My Dad was diagnosed April last year so 15 months ago to be exact with stage 4 incurable bowel cancer which has spread to his lungs and liver. He was offered chemotherapy which he started in May last year and is also known as 'palliative' it's aim isn't to cure the cancer but hopefully shrink some of the cancer and maintain it (stabilise it) for as long as possible. Unfortunately in July last year his bowel obstructed (a blockage) he was rushed to hospital via ambulance and was told it is serious and an emergency operation was required otherwise he will die. They did tell him they'd need to remove 75% of his bowel and a stoma bag may need to be fitted. Luckily for him he recovered from the op and didn't need a stoma bag. The operation managed to remove the whole of the cancer from his bowel. But because the cancer was in his lungs and liver and was described as being like tiny grains of sand all over those two organs it would be impossible to remove the cancer therefore nothing can be done. Only chemotherapy to hopefully try and shrink the cancer or at least keep it stable so it doesn't grow or spread further. I'm guessing your mum is incurable and not terminal. What's the difference? Well terminal is usually when not much cam be done and someone is likely to pass with less than 12 month to live. Incurable is when treatment is offered to the patient and they are hopefully able to live for many years or as long as possible. But of course incurable usually does turn to terminal at some stage. So please don't think your mum's terminal she is likely to be incurable. And the only hope we've got is chemotherapy will work or that other treatments and trials will be discovered and available to them. 

    I'm 27 and it's been really difficult this past year but it's helped my dad but us being strong and not focusing on him being ill he wants to be treated normally. 

    If you ever need a chat etc please message me x 

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