Telling my children

Well semi long story after several different diagnosis my family have just received devastating news that my mum has bowl cancer which has spread to her lungs also has tumor in her back and had to have a stoma,my mum's cancer is in operable and has started chemo to slow things down which should give her 2-3 years if chemo works.my question is how do I tell my 9 year daughter?

She knows her nan was poorly but things have changed dramatically since,also she knows what cancer and chemo is as her other nan went through the same few years ago,so associate's cancer with treatment loosing hair and getting better none of this will be happening to my mum and she's asking questions as to why nan sleeps alot doesn't eat and just not her normal self.

Thank you in advance to anyone who reads this and very much appreciate any advice/suggestions.

  • Hi there Madapps, welcome to the forum, but sorry for why you're here. Talking to children about sickness and death is often difficult because we walk a fine line in knowing what and how much to tell them. We have to be honest with kids, but at the same time, keeping in mind their age and level of understanding determines how much detail to use. With a nine year old, I believe the best way to start off is first trying to find out how much this child already knows, and if what she knows is accurate. Kids do take in what is going on around them and what they hear, but sometimes they form their own conclusions which is not always accurate. They don't have the level of maturity to make sense of this information.

    Perhaps ask her if she has any questions about her grandmother not feeling well these days. Then, let her talk, or ask her if she is concerned about anything. She may come right out and ask you if her grandmother is going to die. Since you are of the understanding that your Mom could live a few more years, I would tell her that her grandmother is not well, but you really don't believe she will die anytime soon. I wouldn't give her details on your Mom's disease at this stage, but if she does ask specific questions about it, give her age sensitive answers, and only as much information as she really needs. She may come back to you in time with more questions as she thinks about some of this information. If she does, again answer her honestly, but only enough to answer the question. As time goes on and your Mom's illness becomes more serious, she will likely have more questions. Kids are pretty resilient and I'm sure with reassurance from you, she will do okay with it.

    Good luck with it and come back on here to let us know how things go, for your Mom, your daughter, and yourself.

    Take care.

    Lorraine