HI jaks. Been busy busy, funny how lots of friends seem to have come out of the wood works which im grateful for  ( well the ones ive told, I really do not want everyone knowing) I got really *** with a girl on facebook who mess me how was i last week, I was like as in ? i do know her  from school but shes not like a close friend. aparently my mum was caught by one of her friends just after i found out and she could see my mum was upset, so as my mum known her years she told her and she told another women and she told her daughter who knows me. I don't want to be gossip. oh did you hear suzie got breastcancer !! omg really ! we live in a small town. 

So with you, its a full Mastectomy and thats what they said from the start ? as with me they said that but then when i went back to see the top guy he said its 2 cm grade 2, was not showing in lymph nodes at the time of first biopsy but wanted to take some to check them out to be safe. So im being offered a lumpectomy not a full "M". then 15 sessions of radio T

Had all my pre assesments done last week and bloods but annoyed Doctors txt me hosp needs them re done cos they messed up the labels, me being me is now thinking they found something and they are lying of course and im a tiny bit freaked out that i think they want to do them again cos something is wrong. So back to docs monday ( local luckly) more bloods. wed the injection into the breast of dye. Then up at 6am thur for the op for 9 ish... I cant lie im feeling more and more worried as the time goes on, My mum and family keep telling me how " lucky " i am that its a lumpectomy not a full "M" but a lady in the waiting rooms last week had the same and it has spread and she had to go back for more. I feel i will never not now live with the fear of it returning. and if it does when im like 70 odd so be it. but not so soon after ive gone throu the treatment as im 45 now. 

Last week caught up with friends, Dog walked ( which made me sad cos i wont be able to do that after op for a while as he pulls, i do love my park walks with him hes fine once hes down the park off the lead)  sat had a day with my sister shopping few hours that was nice and then sat night Bingo. Today in garden delagating smashing up an old fence to son, lovely to be out. ( oh and i do alot of selling on e bay that keeps me busy too !)

I went to Bingo first time girls nite out last night. bit of fun but i found it quite stressful ! then onto an irish bar good music but i was a bit sad as my mum and I had planned to go to ireland in may and obviously thats not going to happen now. 

I feel *** off to be honest at the thought of spending the summer unwell and in hospitals when at the moment i feel ok ! I really can't be bothered to be ill. i got too much to do. im such a busy person. i get these dread feelings and stomach flips and heart thuds when i think about thurs.! I've never had an op before. I never knew they put a pipe down your throat. THANKGOD IM ASLEEP.!

yours is a long op....im not sure how long mine is. but its a day surgery and i might  be home by 3pm. I AM NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO NO FOOD OR DRINK ! omg  no cuppa tea !! im a breakfast gal tea and toast and shower before i can function. Im going to feel doubly sick by 9am ! 

If you want some inspiration, google this one thing only- ANGELINA jOLIE . What a brave lady and he boobies look amazing. !

Keep in touch Suzie x

Hi Suzie

i can so relate to what you are saying.  The bit about redoing your bloods made me smile, that's exactly what I would think, but it'll be a genuine mistake with the labels, our minds just run riot over everything. I keep thinking they know more than they tell me and they are just telling me a bit at a time to get me through because I'm such a wobbling wreck, logically I don't think they can do that but at the moment I'm not that logical .

been trying to keep busy. I struggle in the mornings as it's the first thing I think off and I don't want to get up, but I do.. Eventually.  I've got a dog too, she's an older dog so can't walk too far so she'll keep me company.  I keep trying to think positive, that it'll be okay but then I feel I should be worrying all the time, which again isn't going to change anything and I need to give myself a good kick.

Yes, it's the full 'M' for me, it's apparently 8cm and high grade, though so far no-one has told me what high grade actually means, my worry is they are leaving me so long until the 'M', but nurse says docs know what they are doing.

i get my nodes done next Friday, get the blue injection, she's says I'll be a grey/blue colour for a couple of days, great, now I'm going to look like a giant smurf!, lol.

I've had one small op before, about a 20min thing, all I remember is someone saying count to ten (I think I made it to 2), next time I opened my eyes, it was all done so I hope the node surgery and then the big one is the same.  I go in on Thursday 19th and stay overnight before the node op early Frid, so I'll be thinking about you.

Keep positive x

Jaks 

Hello jaks64

I was diagnosed with Dcis 18 months ago and because I had four areas which were spread about i was told a mastectomy was my only option. Even though it was non invasive. It completely does your head in I know, but I was determined not to google, which isn't me, and kept to it. Which isn't me, but glad I did because for all the positives only one little negative comments needs to be read and it sets I off.  It's so true when they tell u that every single persons situation is different.   I had a sentinel node biopsy before mastectomy and this was clear and had an immediate diep flap reconstruction which is fat used from stomach area.  It's a big op and first few days the most uncomfortable but u eventually get back to normal after physio and wearing your 'belly binder'.  I didn't have to have any further treatment as it was non invasive. It's really hard to make a decision as to the recon as u can't take it all in and u want someone just to tell u what to do.  Take someone with u for all your appoints and they can listen for u as well.  You r def not a wimp though and it does take over your brain but do try not to google I am so glad I didn't.  Please chat back if I need to. X Daryl

Hi Daryl

Thanks so much for replying. I'd never heard of DCIS until my recall. I know googling is the worst thing, I think I'll just look at one thing and that leads on to sites way off from my diagnosis, I hope! 

I have also decided on the diep flap reconstruction. How did you find the recovery, the nurse has kind of prepared me what it will be like after surgery and I have seen some pics of women 10days post op, and the healing process looked good at that stage.  It's still a struggle when looking at things like this that I'm actually talking about me.  I went looking for front fastening nightwear today and I burst into tears as it meant it was all really happening.  I know I could have had much worse news but it's the unknown that lies ahead. My mammogram was in Feb, backlog meant I wasn't recalled until April (though local practice nurse said there can't be anything wrong if they've left me that long , boy was she wrong), they said mastectomy op in May but now they say it may even be July until they get a slot, I think I'll have driven my family crazy by that point! 

thanks again for responding,

Jaks x

Hello Jaks64,

I was diagnosed with DCIS last October. I knew it was cancer the minute I found the dimple (I had no lump!)so was well prepared for the diagnosis. I still sat there crying, nothing the consultant said stuck in my head just the thought of having to go through chemotherapy upset me having nursed people through the effects so knew what was coming.

I had my surgery in November which was the easy part and they took a sentinel lymph node for biopsy at the same time. This came back clear so I started chemo on New Years Eve. I had 6 cycles in all of Taxotere and Carboplatin which were not nice at all! First to go was the hair, eyebrows and lashes which was no biggy. I was tired but fine until cycle 4 then I felt ill! No sooner had I started to recover and it was time to go back in for the next cycle. My fingernails have started with ridges this week and are lifting but that's usual with the drugs. I think you still feel the effects for quite a while after the treatment. Just the drugs saving my life I suppose.

I finished my last radiotherapy session today which was everyday for about 3 weeks after chemotherapy so I'm constantly tired but alive. That's the important part! The body hair and nails will grow back and I have a brilliant wig to wear if I feel the need (haven't so far!) and I have a brilliant eyebrow kit which looks quite natural. I dreaded having to draw them on. They would look like big slugs!!!

Do you know what I found to be the hardest part? The not knowing what was going to happen! The time between diagnosis to actual treatment was horrendous. I would rather another 6 cycles of chemo than to go through the waiting.

I hope your treatment is as successful as mine has been and just wanted to let you know that you'll find you are stronger than you think you are, no matter what life throws at you.

Good luck........... Joanne x

Hi Joanne

thanks for replying. My nerves are on the roof just now, heading off in an hour to be admitted today for node biopsy tomorrow, I'm so scared they will find more than DCIS. They just keep saying deal with things a step at a time but I like to know the answers to the what if questions, which I know probably doesn't help.

congrats on your last radiotherapy session, quite a landmark for you. They have not mentioned other treatment to me yet, I'll prob know more in a couple of weeks.  Was your diagnosis pure DCIS.  

Well that's my hubby arrived to get ready to set off, so I'll sign off for now but wishing you continued health and recovery 

Jackie X 

Good luck for tomorrow and I hope it all goes well. I do hate the waiting game though. That's the worst part and my biopsy results took two weeks to come back.
After my surgery I had already told my cancer team that I was not staying in hospital unless there were complications in theatre so I was first in and shopping in Morrisons by 1pm! Ha, ha! I had an excellent surgical team though and discussed pain relief through with the anaesthetist beforehand so I chose the least medication possible and avoided the drowsy stuff. 
Please let us know how you get on.......... Joanne xxx

Hi Joanne

just home from my sentinel node biopsy. Have to say the procedure itself not as bad as I thought, they took two nodes, so I'm praying for negative results, although they have already mentioned that IF anything found they may consider me for a clinical trial, so now I feel like a Guinea pig. I've went from being told a mastectomy is "all" that I need, to now being told they think there may be an invasive element due to the size of DCIS but they'll know more once the node biopsy is back and then the biopsy from mastectomy, which I'm still waiting on a date for. All this waiting is driving me crazy.

i had to stay in an extra night as the anaesthetic didn't agree with me, but apart from that the dye injection was just a bit of a scratch and so far only needed paracetamol. Have to say staff were excellent.

now it's the wait on the telephone call with results 

thanks for listening to my nervous rant.

jackie X 

Looking good so far then!

I'm still on a clinical trial. Herceptin every 3 weeks but I'm sure it's been made mainstream now? I could have dreamt that though as chemo brain! Oops! I must say I dare not refuse it once I had seen the projected results! It's all about beating cancer and having a long life as far as I'm concerned.

So pleased your operation went well and you're home. Please keep us posted on your results and treatment proposed...... Joanne x