Sue,

This is such a horrendous experience all my common sense has left me.

Her sons do not keep in touch...she only has me which ordinarily would be good,but when your rock starts to disintergrate is there any hope?. My angel is not suffering in the physical sense,but emotionally.

Stark reality straight from a man with a stethoscope closes your life down in seconds.

Never having faced anything of this magnitude before leaves me floundering.

Your kind words of support indeed do help.I now bathe in a black sun..xx

Sue,

I am full of dread...having to go to hospital this morning after a sleepless night, since learning

yesterday of the severity of the condition.I am physically strong,yet the scene unfolding before my

eyes causes me to implode in uncontrolled emotion.

I am not much good...

sue,

Came very clost to two scrapes driving to hospital.Mind not on the road.

Mustered some resolve.Patient a couple of % better.

Will need to do it again tomorrow.

Your participation is much appreciated.

My thoughts are with you through this difficult journey.

As a cancer patient myself and also from my husbands point of view my best advice is.... yesterday is the past, don't worry about tomorrow just take each day as it comes, take little steps and absorbing little pieces of information at a time,  try not to look on internet to make sense of it all as sometimes this doesn't help.

Obviously I appreciate that this sounds easier than it is in reality and won't work for everybody, I can only hope that my experience could benefit others.

Try to remain strong although remember to look after yourself too. 

That's heart breaking, it's hard to stay strong and positive when you have been given news like that, but try if you can even if it's just for her, not my place to tell you I know but she needs you now, I'm sorry x

Sue,

I know of no words that can convey the torture and despondency of watching this lovely

woman reduced to total non life.

How this dispicable disease is allowed to devour and flourish when we spend billions on machines

of war leaves me cold. This abomination called cancer must be despatched to hell.

Thank you Sue xx

Hi omron

You know I've been on this forum quite a while now and shared a lot of my feelings, my journey and what advice I can since my wife died in October.

We were pretty close, had our ups and downs but we lived very intertwined lives and did pretty much everything together May would have been our 25th.

Those last days before she died when she was on a syringe driver and the days immediately after were devastating and yes the idea of going together went through my mind too. I think that's probably very common - we don't talk about it, it's the one thing I've not shared on here until now but you can suddenly understand those stories of people throwing themselves on funeral pyres.

6 months on I've recovered very rapidly, probably much faster than most - we are generally pretty emotionally tough in my familly and I'm no exception.

The nature of things is that if you are close to someone one of you will go before the other - it's the price of having a rewarding close relationship that one of you will leave the table and leave the other with the emotional bill.

There's a lot of pain in that bill but I've come to learn not to despise it but to see it as a price worth paying - the closer the more loving the relationship the more pain when it ends - it sounds as if you were very close and have a substantial bill to pay.

It would be nice not to have to pay that bill but the only way is to go first and stick your partner with that bill and I for one would rather pay it myself than to have had Melanie go through this grieving because I don't think she was as tough.

Yes there's the timing and the manner of your departure as the old joke goes with the condemned man able to chose the manner of his execution and he replies "at the age of 105 from a heart attack  brought on by making love to 2 beautiful women" But life isn't like that we don't get to pick and chose and wh have expectations of a long twilight but in the end we just have to take the cards that we are dealt and play them to the best of our ability.

You have a bad hand right now and it sounds as if its up to you to play them to give her as easy and sympathetic a passing as you can    

Hi Omron,

Sorry I missed your original post. I can only imagine what you're going through but when my wife eventually finds herself in your shoes I want her to grieve for me, remember me and then enjoy the rest of her life as best as she can. My Dad went through a similar experience wih my Mum and somehow he managed to pull through it. I hope you do too.

Best wishes
Dave 

Have been with my darling companion at home for the last 10 days.

Decided this option was far better than the hospital route.

As with multiple site aggressive cancer the normal function to swallow was severely compromised.

Slowly with cunning and intent the disease gradually,closed down lifes functions.

Totally naked to the onslaught with no hope of any defence the disease made its final way to my

partners life. After a terrible struggle she somehow managed to throw herself from her bed and was

nestled underther bed at 5am on Sunday the 17th of April still fighting for life.

Safely back under the covers she gasped for breath.

6am on the 17th of April my darling lost the struggle for life.

She looks peaceful now. Of the hundreds of times I have made her a cup of tea,I now go and prepare

one more...kiss her forehead,and hold her hand.

The world has lost a truely beautiful individual...

Omron 

Tears sting my eyes and a lump is in my throat.

I'm so very sorry for your loss.

We are all here to talk when you are able. 

My thoughts are with you ....

With warmest wishes 

Ness x