What would I like to say? I think it is against the rules here ... What can I say? I am going to die - I am not chasing cures or going to let this destroy my mind and body... I have watched this happen to many in my family. My uncle decided to take his own life before his health got too bad. He went when and how he wanted. That is my choice as well. But I am struggling .. the things I have to cancel - or just give up on. Rearanging my last few months.. I was filling out a survey today and they asked how likely I was to buy a new car in the next 3 years. A week ago I would have put definately will be - now clicked definately wont be... plans that have dissapeared into the winds... the breaking down with no warning - laying in bed paralysed with terror... and the pain... not physical - the emotional pain. 

Only my partner knows and he supports my decision - his family has a high rate of this too and he has decided when he gets it he is going the same path I am if it is too bad. 

I am not sure what to say without rambling more... I am just lost atm and don't know how to cope or put this into perspective, I am a very logical person and don't deal with emotions well in the first place.