Hi Nessemo

Sorry to hear you are going through such a lot in your life right now. Only your ex husband and his care care team will roughly know his prognosis. If you take both of your diagnosis of cancer out of the equation and put yourself in his shoes, wouldn't you be desperate to see your children regardless if you had a month left or 5 years. Time with your children for each of you is priceless and irreplaceable. Kim
 

Hi thanks for your reply.I can kind of see your point.But as I don't have a kind word to say about the man this is a difficult subject. We were never married.I was never made enough. 

Xxx

Mad*

Hi Nessemo

I know this is off-topic for a cancer forum but the only reason I replied is because I have been in your shoes, the only bit of advice I can share from my own experience is not to use access to your children as a way to punish your ex. It certainly works and would hurt him but it can also backfire, turning your children against you at some point in the future. I wish you all the best and hope your treatment goes well and that the current turmoil in your life is resolved and you can carry on with a better life. Kim
 

Oh no I think that you have taken it the wrong way!

After years of being patient and letting him get away with murder just to allow my boys to have a relationship with him enough was enough and I called nspcc for advice and they agreed with me that contact should be stopped due to safeguarding issues  (which I'm also trained in) and this was one of the reasons I applied to the court to resolve them and to give the kick up the backside he needs!

It wasn't a decision I took lightly because I wanted them to maintain contact.But I had to get tough when their welfare is at stake.As I'm sure you would agree.

Anyway my question was about his diagnosis only because I want to know if it's bad as to prepare my children and to support them regardless of what I think of him.I was advised by my medical team not to hide my diagnosis and I'm worried for the boys. Ness

Sorry to hear about your situation but I personally you might disagree your should be letting him see the kids ill or not he is the father at the end of the day just my opinion but if he is dying you definitely should let him see the kids -Diane 

I think I may ask someone to close this thread.I'm taking it the wrong way.I'm asking for medical advice not parenting. The man is an abusive horrible drunk who abused me for 8 years.He turns up drunk to pick them up if he turns up,says things to scare them about me and my husband so when they come home they cry.And refuses to allow me to take them out of the country...hence me taking him to court after stopping contact to keep my children safe! I know he's the dad and I've tried to allow them to keep contact for the last 5 years but I stopped contact 6 months ago and without court orders and contact centres I won't allow it.(the court is agreeing with me)

Thanks all ness

Hi there, Sorry to hear you're suffering. Are you in a position to ask your ex regarding his prognosis? I wouldn't tell the kids anything, you don't currently have enough information to be able to tell them and also you have been asked not to so I would respect that.  Worst case scenario if there is safeguarding issues then he can have supervised visits with the children. I'm not here to judge on whether he should or shouldn't  see them as I'm well aware there are some parents that aren't so great. Good luck.

Thank you Michelle

I only really want to know what to expect for my children's sake.It's them I'm worried for.perhaps I can pluck up the courage to text him this too I hate to do.Maybe I will try.

Thanks x 

Hi Nessemo3

I am sorry to read about all the problems you are having.  I don't know what his prognosis is likely to be only the team looking after him can tell you this, and even they might only be able to give you an estimate as it is very difficult to be precise about these things.

I hope you are able to get everythig sorted out soon

Martin