Hi Jody

Really sorry to hear of your mother's condition.

First some practical advice - are you in contact with McMillan? if not call them the numbers on the website they may be able to help in all sorts of ways.

Is your mother getting proper drugs for pain relief? if she in pain get the GP to come or talk to the McMillan nurse about that if it's difficult to get a GP.

Now "how long" is the question that always comes up and its very difficult because there's a huge variation. From what you've said its in multiple locations so clearly its "stage 4" but the type of primary is pretty important. As are things like age, fitness and importantly what treatment she's on and how she responds to it.

I know that you want her to go on as long as possible but my wife's oncologist was a wonderful man and he was always very clear that it is the quality of life that is important. Sometimes that can be very good My wife was very lucky and responded well to his treatment having 3 years of very active painfree life before her sudden deterioration and the end.

I wish everybody who suffered cancer got that - many do, you'll meet "terminal" people on here who are doing really well just like she did. Unfortunately many don't and some people find the chemo very tough, and have pain and disability.

You're going to need to see how this progresses - I really hope she responds well and has a really good quality of life but you're going to need to be clear with yourself that if it gets to the point where she hasn't any prospect of a reasonable quality of life then you'll support her in any decision she may make.

That's tough - I know better than anyone - I had to make the decision to stop treatment for my wife in her last 24 hours because she couldn't make it herself and it's what she would have wanted - tears are coming here again just remembering. Its tough on the sufferer - its tough on the familly and at some point you may need to be very brave.

Show her that you love her and that when the time comes you'll be just fine without her- have some fun in some small things and try to take her mind off of it as much as you can.