So sorry I had breast cancer the treatments were hard the pain unspeakable but now it's not at all any better I had        chemo I had all the treatments. The pain I'm having now is a nightmare again so I have now advice for you but I do fill for had I know that I would have been deformed from the treatments, I did what I had to for my grandkids. So sorry I don't have any advice

Hi Mitchy,

Never posted here before but just come across your post and felt like you deserved a reply. Firstly, I'm really sorry to hear about your girlfriend's diagnosis, it must be very difficult to come to terms with and I'm sure you want to spend every last minute you can with her. If she feels comfortable doing so, and appears to have accepted the diagnosis, skipping chemo is a viable option, although there's a possibility it can also prolong life, so you should weigh up the negatives and positives and make a firm decision - that should ultimately come from her. I suggest reading this article on when it's time to refuse chemotheraphy following a diagnosis of terminal cancer: www.theguardian.com/.../palliative-chemotheraphy-incurable-cancer

I hope this helps, remember to stay strong and do everything you can to help her enjoy the time she has left. Also, try keep a balance between realism and optimism - but stay positive!

Hi, Mitchy, so sorry to hear of your girlfriend's diagnosis, especially as she is so young.

I think the questions she needs to ask are;  will chemo give her quantity or quality of life.  There is no point in having chemo for, say, 3 months if it is only going to give her a little more time,  you have to consider possible side effects.   You haven't said where the cancer is and this can make a difference, too, and what does your girlfriend feel?

We will all have different opinions on this and so will her oncologist, but at the end of the day no-one except your girlfriend should make the decision. I am 71 years old, so decisions i have made are different to those i would possibly have made when i was younger. I do hope that she can come home to you soon and you can spend some quality time together.  Mitchy, come and chat to us anytime and please let us know how your girlfriend is.  I wish her all the best.

Hi Mitchy,

I can only agree with Pauline's advice. Only your girlfriend can make that decision based on the advice she is given which will depend on her age, physical fitness (important in both fighting the cancer and in recovering from chemo) and the odds she is given of the chemo being a success and what they define as a success.

At different ages but similar circumastances Pauline and I made opposite decisions about chemo. I am so glad that I did as I was lucky enough to respond really well to chemo and I now have a good a quality of life as I had before and have exceeded the extra time I was told chemo might give me.

Chemo can be a grind but even that varies from one individual to the next as there are so many different types of chemo and we all react slightly differently to it.

 It's a h*ll of a decision to have to make but if chemo offers hope of a longer and quality life that would be my own choice if I had to decide again.

best wishes
Dave

Hi Mitchy,

People have a lot of different experiences on chemo therapy and when you stop to think of it that's not that surprising. Cancers vary hugely in how they affect the body and there is a wide range of different drugs used in chemotherapy.

Some people seem to have a rough time with it, and I don't know what sort of cancer your girlfriend has but, from talking to people on here it seems to me it's often people with cancers of the digestive tract that seem to have a rough time with chemo.

My wife had a cancer of the peritoneum and we knew from day one that she would not survive it, for her the chemo stopped the fluid build up that was threatening to flood her lungs and kill her. She lived 3 years on chemo - 3 years she would not otherwise have had, she tended to get flu like symptoms for a day or so after the chemo and then she was fine for the rest of the month.

Chemo gave us the chance to go on an exotic holiday together and it gave her 3 christmases she'd not otherwise have seen.

I've posted this before but here's a link

www.cancerresearchuk.org/.../greenhouse.jpg

This is a picture of my wife 18 months into chemo building a greenhouse!

There are a lot of other people on here too who have had their lives considerably extended by it.

Now I don't know enough about your girlfriends case nor which chemo drugs they are considering - towards the end we were offered one that had a 16% chance of working and was pretty toxic and we said "No thanks"

I just wouldn't automatically assume that chemo is painful and awful - I'd talk to the oncologist about what the extent of the side effects are likely to be and think about it - she can always stop if it's not improving her quality of life - that after all is what it's all about

Michy my husband had a very aggressive cancer and was diagnosed days before he died. Medics tried to give him treatment but to no avail. I am glad they tried though as it could have worked. Please take advice from medical professionals and the wishes of your partner. I hope and pray that she will have the opportunity to have treatment as long as it is in her best interest. It is awful for someone do young to have to suffer from this awful disease. My thoughts are with you both. Take care

Hi there, I'm really sorry this is happening to you both. It's just cruel. There are always horror stories and bad news sure does travel BUT there are also some major success stories where chemo has worked wonders. I think there always fors and againsts with anything. I think all you can do is weigh it all up between yourselves and professionals then make an informed decision on what option you choose. Can you just try it once and see how you get on? My dad had terminal cancer and hid it from us so well, we never suspected a thing until about a month before he passed away. For this I believe he had a remarkable final months, he even built a large garage. My friends mum had chemo and it caused a bleed which he believes made her pass away even sooner as it was fatal. For this he blames himself as he wanted her to have chemo. Hindsight is a wonderful thing. If only we knew. Good luck with your choices and journey.

Thanks for posting back everyone and sorry I haven't got back to you all, as you can imagine it's been a roller coaster ride of emotions, so interesting reading on some of your posts, some good and some sad, there's so much more to cancer than I originally thought, it's just been bad news since told it was terminal she's now gained pneumonia and infection in her liver, the pain was becoming unbearable for her, bless her, so they've given her a very strong painkiller to flow to her continuously and she's now in a coma like state, I was lucky enough to catch her on a good moment yesterday and have one final chat with her, but she's now just away with the fairies and doesn't respond, I just want her to drift off and follow the light as soon as possible as I can beat to see her like this, I cry everyday and night and am so thankful to have met her and spent the short time we had together, thank you for all your messages everyone it's comforting to know I'm not alone xxx

Mitchy my thoughts are with you I lost my 26 year old daughter to cancer in October 2014 she was in such dreadful pain towards the end that she was put into a coma like state and the end was very peaceful with all her loved ones around her take care

It certainly sounds a painfully familliar situation.

I'm so sorry you're having to go through this at your ages.

Are you going to try to be there at the end? It's a hard thing to go through you'll want to think about that