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bladder cancer

westholme
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Hello, I'm probably looking for advice or reassurance if I'm honest. My mum has just been diagnosed with advanced bladder cancer and we are devastated. Shes 75 and we've been told its inoperable and terminal. My dad is a broken man and im trying to plan for the inevitable. I know nobody can put a time scale on it but has anybody out there any experience of this stage - I've found lots of info but its all about earlier stage stuff and we haven't been as fortunate. Shes well at the moment - eating and reasonably active - she gets tired in the afternoon but the poor lady hasn't slept properly in months with the incontinence. Shes waiting for the stoma to be fitted and after that Im not so sure. My dad feels we should get a second opinion but he has it in his head that she only has 8 weeks of life left - they've been together 60 years so it's emotive at the moment. I'd be really grateful for any information at all. Thanking everybody in advance x

  • Hello westholme

    Welcome to the forum. I'm so sorry to hear that Mum has been given this news. 

    We do have two members here at Cancer Chat who both have bladder cancer and I wanted to try and link you up with them as they may be able to offer some more specific words of advice and support.

    These two lovely ladies are cfeast and LorraineD. This is the most recent discussion that they have both commented on here and if you would like to post a message on that discussion hopefully they'll get back to you shortly. 

    We do also have a team of nurses here at Cancer Research that you might like to talk to. You can call them on 0808 800 4040 Mon-Fri 9am-5pm.

    Please do keep in touch and let us know how things go with Mum. 

    Best wishes, 

    Jenn
    Cancer Chat moderator

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    Hi there Westholme, welcome to the forum. I'm one of the posters mentioned in Jenn's response to your post and I've been dealing with bladder cancer now for 3 years. I still have my bladder, but there was a time when one urologist was going to remove it. However, the uro I have now said no, certainly not yet anyway. I believe you should get another opinion as to whether or not she should lose her bladder. That may still be the outcome, but if it will give you peace of mind the go for it. Most doctors are quite okay with patients asking for a second opinion. I'm actually near your Mom's age too, so I can relate as an older person.

    I can't speak to your Mom's situation as I'm just another patient dealing with bladder cancer, but I do believe we have every right to be given all the information about our disease and told what ALL our options are and if that means getting another opinion, then we need to do that.

    Good luck with it and come back on here and let us know how you get along.

    Take care.

    Lorraine

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    Hi! I am so sorry for your Mums diagnosis! I'm afraid I don't have any experience that would comfort you at this time if she has been told 'advanced' and 'terminal' ! :( Any one with experience with Cancer will tell you that time left is never the same for 2 people. Unfortunately my neighbours Mum found out her cancer had returned last Summer and she passed away in October. She had the same Bladder Cancer as me 10 years ago and it had reocurred. I don't know how it had advanced so quickly as I have been told I will have surveillance for the rest of my life. My Step Gran who had advanced pancreatic cancer kept going for 3 months against all odds! The stoma will help your mum, if she is fit enough for surgery, as it will give her better ability to rest. but sometimes once you know it is terminal the human brain and body seems to begin shut down almost immediately as a way of coping with the inevitable. I am so sorry I can not be of more help and I wish you all the strength you need in the time you have left with your Mum. Here anytime if you need anything else. <3

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