Hi and welcome to the forum though sorry for the reason that brings you here.  I have been involved twice with cancer in the immediate family.  Firstly my Dad some 9 years ago who like your Dad decided he did not want any treatment but decided to deal with it in his way. He died some six months later  but was always at peace with his decision and I respected him for the bravery he showed in dealing with his diagnosis as did my Mum. 

In the second instance it was my husband (60 at diagnosis of incurable cancer of the lung linings).  He dealt with his diagnosis quietly and in a matter of fact way but thereafter did not wish to discuss it with anyone (this was when I joined the forum) as preferred to keep everything as normal as possible for as long as it was possible.  He did however accept steroids to help with appetite on occasion and had a go at palliative chemo to see if it would help with the pain relief and also give him a little longer to put his affairs in order.  In the event his body did not cope well with the side effects and treatment was stopped with the mutual consent of himself and his wonderfully supportive consultant. He died just over 13 months ago(nearly three years after initial diagnosis)  and whilst I often felt frustrated at what cancer had done to him I never questioned him as to his decision but used this forum to have a rant from time to time on his behalf. He also accepted his GP's suggestion of anti depressants in the mid stages of his disease but I do not think they made much difference to his mood bless him. It seems to me that your Dad will choose his own path and may at present be coming to terms with his diagnosis and no amount of persuasion will make him change the way he feels just now or even in the future.  It's heartbreaking to watch a loved one struggle  but my one bit of advice would be to take a small step back, tell him you love him and are there for him whatever he decides to do and  make the most of the time you have right now. All the very best and remember the forum is always open to offer support.  Jules 54

Hi Marc,

This is a difficult one to answer. Being diagnosed at Stage 4 isn't easy for any of us and everyone reacts differently. If your Dad has made a conscious and informed decision about not receiving treatment you need to respect that BUT if he has simply become despondent and depressed he probably needs some help. 

You're right, 61 is pretty young. I wish I could suggest some way to help, but it sounds like you've tried talking to him which would have been my first suggestion. Keep talking to him and let him know how worried you are about the situation, and that you are all thinking of him and want to help him through this.

Good luck

Dave   

Oh bless you, this must be so hard for u all! Has he specifically said anything about not wanting treatment? Or do u think he's in denial? My dad has grade 4 lung cancer and starts treatment on Thursday, he is in his 80's and I'm not sure he will continue with the treatment if it knocks him about and tbh I wouldn't blame him. I'm just going to support whatever he decides . However if he was younger I may well feel differently and more frustrated which is probably how your feeling. I think the only thing u can do is talk to him and see what he wants and offer as much support as possible! It's so hard for everyone, but I guess at the end of the day it is our dads decision. . Good luck x

Many thanks to all of you for your kind words, especially since taking the time out from each of your own situations. I do believe he is in some denial which is why I am scared that he doesn't do something that could ultimately make such a difference to his well being right now. He had been saying things like "I can't believe this has happened to me". I understand that bit, why does anything happene. I just want him to try and take this on rather than not. Even if he doesn't to at least have the Stent done that would allow him a much better quality of life right now. Again many thanks to all of you, take care

Hi Marc,

I am pleased to see you have received quite a few replies already and I hope that this forum will be of some help to you.

We have some very good information on our site on cancer and depression. You can read it all here.

I also remember we wrote a Hot Topic on Cancer Chat specifically about cancer and depression which you can find here. Don't hesitate to add your experience or share your thoughts on this subject on that thread too.

I hope this helps a little. If you have any questions, you can reach our nurses on this free number (if you are based in the UK) - Monday to Friday, 9am to 5pm: 0808 800 4040

Best wishes,

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator