Hi Mau

Really sorry to hear your news.

My wife had peritoneal cancer and we knew from day 1 that she wasn't going to walk away from it - it had been what her mother had died from 30 years earlier.

The thing is with these time estimates that they are a range and there is a lot of variation in that

When she was diagnosed on average people had 2 years

Looking deeper though what the situation actually was is that 50% of people died after 2 years but 25% of people made 5 years.

In the end she got 3 years - her mother had made 4

The important thing is the quality of life in that time and what you chose to do with the time that you have left together

There are people out there today whose husbands will not be coming home they seem fit and well at breakfast and a stroke or heart attack will suddenly take them - I know people that has happened to and I'll bet you may do too.

That may ot seem much consolation but for those who lose people suddenly like that they often would have given anything for the chance to spend some last months quality time together. To share memories, spend time with familly maybe go away for a holiday or weekend.

Do not let your fear for the future paralyse you in the present and allow you to misspend these last months and weeks - you'll have plenty of time to worry about how you will rebuild your life afterwards - there are enough of us in the coping with loss forum doing that now - we're muddling through and I'm sure you will too.

Concentrate on making the most of this time - I have a few regrets of things we didn't get a chance to do, but there are not many of them - I think we spent the time well.

The braver you are now, the better you'll spend this time and the better you spend this time the fewer regrets you'll have 

Hi, Mau, it can be such a lonely place, and that feeling that there is no professional out there to help or care can be quite frightening.   

It has been a little over a year now since I was diagnosed but the cancer has spread to many places and I have been told nothing is curable.  I went to my GP a few days ago because of pain and she was amazing. She has referred me to the local hospice pain clinic and to a nurse for palliative care.  She has offered me anti-depressants and any other help I may need.  After all this time I felt so relieved. I also changed my hospital and they have been so kind.

What I am saying, Mau,is that there is help but, unfortunately, we have to look for it.  Why don't you have a word with your GP to start with, you never know he might surprise you.

Hi Pauline4, thanks for your reply, we are going to make an appointment with our doctor after Christmas, after reading of the help you received,  it has lifted me a little.  I new there would be help out there but I didnt no where the best place to start was, so I will go down the same route as you..

I wish yiu well, 

Hi. Thanks for your rsponse, we definately spend our time doing things together, unforetunatly my husbsnd has emphysema, which makes walking difficul, so we cant go far. .

Your  post has helped, and I wish you well.