Hello everyone,

My mum has just been diagnosed with metastatic cancer in her liver and peritoneum and primary in her bowel...we found out after she was admitted into hospital for pneumonia and pulmonary embolism which obviously came as a huge shock. Now, I work in the healthcare profession at the hospital and so I take a very precise and factual view on what's happening and I'm the strong one...the one people come to for answers but mum is really struggling  with it. I'm the baby of the family and have an older brother and sister. My sister is right there with me at every appointment and scan day that has happened but my brother is nowhere to be seen and mum is happy to let that slide. I understand it's difficult to get your head around but it's difficult for us all! My step dad seems to bury his head in the sand too. I have had a few days where I've sat and cried and the scenarios have played out in my head of things to come. We have an appointment on Friday with the oncologist to give us a timeframe of how long we'll have left with mum as its untreatable due to the vastness of the metastasis. Mum is finding it so hard to understand that it's not going away and she still can't say the word when discussing it and she's not the same person she was before we all found out 4 weeks ago. I'm scared that I'm not showing her enough feeling/sadness ( I know that might sound very strange) but I'm also scared I'm going to implode at any given moment. It's been such a rough 2 years with family members from both mine and my husbands side passing through cancer and other ailments and I feel like just hiding in a dark room on my own and never coming out...

I'm so sorry for the rant I've only just discovered this forum and it's been held inside for a while x