Hello SammyP,

Welcome to our friendly forum! I noticed you hadn't yet received a reply so I thought I would come and say hello and I am sure others will follow and that they will have some great tips for you on how to prepare for your dad's appointment. I often read on here that it can be a good idea to write down beforehand a list of questions you may have and bring it with you to the appointment. This way you can make sure that you won't forget to ask anything you have been thinking about. 

We have some useful information on stomach cancer here which I hope will be helpful but if you have any question at any time, don't hesitate to ring our specialist nurses on our free number 0808 800 4040, Monday to Friday 9am to 5pm.

Best wishes,

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

Hi SammyP

Welcome to the forum though sorry to read the reason that brings you here.

Receiving the news that a loved one has cancer that is inoperable is heartbreaking for all the family. (it was my husband but with a different cancer to your Dads). I think is is quite likely that your parents are aware of the situation but do not like to talk about it more than necessary as it makes it all too real. My husband told me it was too emotional to talk about and I became the go-between for our adult children and grandchild (he saw a second grandchild born after diagnosis).

Like Lucie has suggested writing down questions (and the answers) for any appointments helps to understand later what has been said (foggy brain often happens whilst in an appointment when its a lot to take in).  Perhaps once y our Dad has had his Christie's appointment he will share this with you and it may be that he will have been offered other treatment options (my husband had chemotherapy to help contain the cancer and slow its growth).  ITs definitely hard to get your head around it all in the early days but from somewhere with help and support of those around you, the strength comes to cope.

I found the forum a good place to chat about the journey we were on and do let us know how your Dad and you are getting on if you would like to. Sending a virtual hug at this emotional time.Jules54

Thank you both for you kind words and for the advice.  I had already put together a list of questions to ask (as I am going with my parents to Chrisites) as I hope to be of help to them as I can write adown all the answers & advice they are given as I'm unsure they are prepared for what they are about to be told.

Jules, so sorry for your husband too, it's such an awful time for everyone involved.  We are 3 grown up ids, but we all have our own kids so dad has plenty of grandchildren to keep him occupied, only last week he was playing fotball with them in the garden! :-)  hes very strong & I hope this keeps him going and he continues to have his PMA :-)

My dad doesn't understand the codes used (I have looked them up) so i am fully aware, but, I'm letting him carry on as normal for as long as possible until hes told the devastating news further.

I will keep in touch and thank you.

take Care

x

Hi Jules how are you doing?

dad stated his chemo on 22nd July.  His 2nd round is Wednesday 12th.  So far he is doing really well.  he had a couple of off days (to be expected) but other than that he still looks really well, which is shocking for having stage 4 !! He's still going for walks & going to football etc & doing his normal day to day things which is amazing,  He's so brave. Sadly though, a few days ago His hair has started to fall out so it will all start to feel more real now :-( he still managing to eat and everything too, which they are quite amazed at.   Christies gave  him 3-6 months without chemo, 9-11 with its devastating or u all, but for now, whilst he can he wants to continue as normal, so we are doing just that x 

Hi

Good to read your update and that Dad is managing chemo well (a big bonus) and that he is still eating walking enjoying life in general.  In the general scheme of things think perhaps the hair loss is a more manageable side effect for a man though it does remind everyone that he is undergoing treatment for an incurable illness.  Doctors' timings are just guidelines so hope he proves them wrong. Keeping life 'normal' is how my hubby wanted us to deal with it and we tried our best  to do just that for as long as was practically possible.

As for me, am coping day to day and adapting to widowhood and when I have a 'down day' give myself a talking to and remind myself how lucky I was to have had him in my life for over 42 years. Onwards and upwards with emotional twists. Still 'firsts' to be tackled but deal with them as they come along.  Still have support of my forum buddies and  lucky to have kids/grandkids close by.

Take care of yourself and know you will be keeping close eye on Dad. Jules x

 HI Jules,

Thank you so much, I appreciate every bit of advice and it's good to talk to someone who has been through it.  I am sure it must be extremely dificult to cpe with the loss (but good you have the family around you to watch grown and also talk about hapy times from over the years)

I need to help mum through it just as much too, they have been married over 43 years and she is finding it difficult and still very much in denial.  i cannot imagine,

I am sure dad will prove the wrong, hes vwry stubborn and determined so I hope so.  Crazy thing is, he has no symptoms or pain whatsover!! (only in his back at the moment which I think (hope) is totally unconnected) the cancer itself isnt causing him an issue, just the chemo and the hair loss & the only able to eat small things, littlle and often.  Other than that, everything is currently noraml.  We hare having some family wekeend get togthers with all us kids & grandkids whilst he is well enough to enjoy & creating some lovely memories.

I hope each day gets easier for you and I am sure you all have some wonderful memories too and like you said privilaged to have had your husband in your life.

take care, go gently

Sammy x x