Hi Denise, welcome to the forum, but sorry for the reason you are here. The title of your post caught my attention because I too have bladder cancer, among a few others. It is two years ago since I was diagnosed and I was blown out of the water at the time because I had never heard of it before. I have had BCG treatments, but my bladder cancer is aggressive and now the plan is to remove it. This surgery is really extensive for women because they not only remove the bladder, they also remove the cervix, uterus, tubes, part of the vagina, as well as take a piece of the colon, (to make a channel for an external path for the ostomy). I'm only a little younger than your Mom,  so I'm puzzled that they haven't offered her some other options for her bladder cancer. Since I don't know what they have done for your Mom so far, or if her cancer has spread beyond her bladder, its' kind of hard to know what you should do. Have you had a chance to ask questions of her medical team? Perhaps it would be helpful to know what all of her options are

It seems as though you are all alone in this because of being an only child. Do you have other family members, or close friends to have around you for suppoet? This is tough for you to be going through alone. If you want more information, you could call the nurses on this site. Their phone number is at the bottom of this page and they are available from 9 to 5 Mon to Fri. or you can post a message in the "Ask the Nurses" section. They can be really helpful to clarify concerns around treatment. Your Mom is very fortunate to have you with her at a time like this. I hope you get answers to some of this soon. Come back on the forum anytime and let us know how you are getting along.

Take care.

Lorraine

thank u for ur reply it has spread to muscle and pubic bone i still am awaiting for the chemo doctors to come and say when they r starting chemo as she has a bad infection at moment and is on strong antibiotics i am goin to try and get her moved to uch in london as this is near to me and she is in chelmsford at the moment i feel so ill from still my mum is not accepting it i suppose thats her way of dealing wirh it im tryiing so hard not to grieve now as she still has months thet say but the fought of my dear mum not being here no more is unbearable

Hi Denise, I was glad to read that your Mom is being moved closer to where you live as you will be able to spend more time with her. Hopefully, the chemo treatments they are planning to give her will allow her to live longer and perhaps give her some quality of life once she's over the side effects of the chemo. This is a difficult time for you so I hope you have some people around for support for yourself. Be sure to come on to the forum anytime to rant, cry, or whatever you need to do to let off steam. We can offer virtual support on here, but if you can get support from relatives or friends, that is a big help.

Stay in touch and take care of yourself. Sending you hugs.

Lorraine

thank u so much I've let the hospital she is in no I want her transferred so I hope dey will xx

Hi Denise, sorry to read about your Mum. There is hope, if my experience is anything to go by; but I agree with other's who've replied - it is a bad cancer to deal with and highly recurrent even if it  goes into remission.

I too was far gone when my bladder cancer was diagnosed - I was in the final stages (it was 5cm and spread to my lymph-nodes; metastatic). I was told there was nothing they could do for me and I only had weeks to live. 'Confirmed' by the next 4 consultants - I was too far gone for chemo or radiation to be of any use or further radical surgery. I even was admitted into a hospice to die.

But two things (well three, actually - a brilliant wife who pulled me out of the hospice and took me home): I'd improved my lifestyle by juicing, eating lots of greens, porridge, etc so I build myself up; and one of the consultants did say that chemo did give me a 5% chance. So I did do chemo. I forced myself to walk each day (gets my lymph system to work more). 6 month's later I was in remission - my lymph node on my neck went back to normal (and, presumably, the ones I couldn't see did too).

OK, I was one of the few lucky ones maybe. But my point is that there's things a patient can do to both cope with the clinical treatments (reducing the side-effects) and support them. Poor lifestyle can increase the liklihood of cancer; but good lifestyle can improve surival time.

I've had two recurrenes, but less severe each time. Now, at 78 (I was diagnosed at 71), I'm able to travel the world and enjoy myself and see my family grow more each day.

today is the day I find out from oncologist the plan of action and to find out in black n white life expectancy I'm an emotional wreck living day by day n the worst thing is my mum won't talk about it please if anyone is in the same position let me no how u r dealing with this terrible cancer

hi Ian I'm pleased to r doin ok u really have given me hope ️it must of been terrible for u and ur family as this is so much to deal with wishing u better every day n please stay in touch xxxx

I hope things improve for you Mum. Together with supporting and helping each other, we'll all have a better chance of all of us surviving long.

Best wishes, Ian

fank u so much Ian I've had a very emotion day tdy mum was crying to *** home basically went mad for short period due to infection n low salt level , she seems better now n calm also eating a very little n drinking so hopefully. she fights dis infection n den gets transferred to London hospital every one on ere including itself I fank u from the bottom of my heart for ur support and wish u all the best ur are all fantastic xxx

including urself I mean xx