Im scared. I realised last night im scared. It's a looong story and not really a pleasant one, my mum and my relationship but i don't want to lose her. 12 months ago she had tongue cancer and beat it with treatment but progressively deteriorated and shes now 38kgs. She's never been overly big she is quite short but 38kgs...... thats skin and bone. I've not seen her for so long time we live interstate in Australia and im so scared she won't beat this one. She's got a mighty fighting spirit but im scared with nothing but skin to protect her body this will be it. She has scans later this month and a biopsy early next month to get the prognosis until then we wait. I'm usually the optimist but this news had made me so confused.As i said earlier is complicated and i suffer mentally at the best of times. I know im not well right now but it was because of other things. This has sent me reeling. I'm usually so open. Nobody had to ask me how i am because I'm so open am honest but this time Everytime i talk about it i only feel worse and for the first time i understand why people hold things inside. I dont want to talk to my friends and family. I don't want them to know im not doing well. Especially my husband although I'm pretty sure he can see it physically with the way im acting. He asks if im ok and i tell him i am. I know he doesn't believe me and part of me wants him to know. I'm so confused. last night was the first time i cried, and i really really cried, obvious this is getting to me a hell of a lot more than i thought coz i was uncontrollable a couple of times. In a way i almost hope nobody answers or reads this because that would mean talking about it and i don't want to but im also obviously doing this because i want to talk! Everything i feel is contradicting and did i mention confusing.