We also have had the bad news of my wife having breast cancer, but we are yet to see the consultant, that is a couple of days time, my wife is my whole life, my best friend, we have been together for nearly 40 years, and I'm gutted, and I'm finding it realy hard to cope with, I do try and keep my feelings, crying, anger, away from her as much as I can, but she knows me so well, it's like my world is ending, and I realy can't manage to cope, hence this post, is there anything I can do, or contact.

Hi Hawkeye0071,

Welcome to Cancer Chat, and I'm very sorry to hear about your situation.

I just wanted to send a reply as the thread you have posted on here hasn't been active for around six years. This means you may not receive another reply here, and if this is the case then you may wish to create your own new discussion on the forum to hopefully reach out to more people.

Wishing you all the best,

Ben
Cancer Chat Moderator

Hello Hawkeye0071

i am sorry that your wife has recently been diagnosed with breast cancer.

I wanted to reach out to you and give you my own experience so far in the hope that it would help.

I was diagnosed with bc 5 weeks ago this was not something that I seen coming at all and the shock for me and my family has been difficult.

I have found a site called breast cancer now so helpful during this process so far, there is a nurses helpline that you can call who I have found to be excellent, if this is something that you would consider doing they do speak to relatives with concerns and honestly it has been so good to have that support from knowledgeable nurses that speak about bc day in day out to other people. 

The waiting for the appointments and results is so hard, when you sit down with the consultant and have a plan in place you may feel much better, my partner came to the consultant with me and told me he felt relieved afterwards.

Lots of best wishes and good luck x 

Hi Sarah 

Thank you so much for your reply, I must admit it did make me cry, but that's me, I'm very sensitive, I even get choked up on sad things on telly, lump in the throat and all that, but in a way you have given me hope, in the fact that the NHS has come a long way in treating cancer.

We have our appointment with the breast clinic on Wednesday afternoon, wished it was morning, but hey ho, as you said we will know more then, but at the moment it's the not knowing, and it's like someone has put a great big full stop in front of us, probably me more than Julie, she has been so strong with this, I think to myself how can she be that calm about it, I'm sure she has her moments.

Reading your reply has given me, I'm not going to say hope, but a little more understanding about how the out come could be, if that makes sence.

We both do sit together and talk about this, where Julie is the stronger one, it's me that thinks the worst, but I don't tell her what I think, that my mind working overtime.

I will leave it there and thank you with all my heart, on the reply and honesty that you have given me, believe me this has made me feel a lot better.

I will let you know the outcome of the consultation that will happen Wednesday, but I will understand if you would rather not.

Thanks for taking the time.

Tommy.xx

Hi Tommy

 I'm so glad I managed to help, even if just a little bit. I know how grateful I have been to some of the people I have met through this forum. It really does make a world of difference to be able to talk to people who are dealing with similar things. 
 

I'm so pleased that Julie has an appointment this week. I know you wish it was sooner. I've been right there. But Wednesday will come soon enough. Yes! Please do let me know the outcome, I wouid really appreciate that. 
 

It does often tend to be the ones going through treatment that manage to be stronger than our nearest and dearest. I'm not sure why that is exactly. I am a single Mum with 2 teenage sons and that has really helped me to stay strong, positive and put a brave face on (most of time!). 
 

I'm more than happy to keep in touch. I have sent you a friend request so we don't get lost in a thread.
 

Love to you both Sarah xx 

Thank you so much for your reply, I'm glad I came across this forum, it has help me a lot in the short time I've been on here.

Thank you for telling me about the help line that I could use, not seen on here, but I am using my mobile phone, I will look on the computer later.

My wife and I are seeing the consultant Wednesday afternoon, and yes, I feel we will be in a better place once we know what we are dealing with, it's the not knowing that's the hardest part.

Once again, Thank you.x 

Tommy.

Hey Steve, 

I'm sorry that your wife is having to go through this awful ordeal she is very lucky to have you supporting her. 
 

I too found a lump at the end of March 2021 and went to my GP about it and i wasn't really too concerned about it at the time i am 31 healthy and no bc in my family so I too just thought it was a cyst. 

My doctor was great and referred me to a breast unit it was an urgent referral but I still wasn't too concerned as she too said it's most likely a cyst but it's obviously better to be safe then sorry. 
 

Fast forward 2 weeks and I went to the breast unit the ultrasound mammogram biopsy all done in the same day I knew it was cancer as soon as the ultrasound lady saw it her tone totally changed. 
 

Anyway I have IDC breast cancer with two tumours in the one breast. I'm just over half way through my chemotherapy now and it hasn't been as bad as I thought although everyone is hit by it differently. I also have kids 11, 9 and 4 and i was also concerned about them bringing germs home but so far so good your immune system still has all the bits you've picked up over the years so she like me has probably got a good chance their germs won't affect her. My youngest hasn't had chicken pox yet and I was worried about that. The nurse reassured me that my immune system isn't deleted just weak against new germs. 
 

after my chemo It's mastectomy and radio too. 

Hold in there, stay positive and look after yourselves you've got this! 
 

Lizzy xxx

I'm sorry the two of you are going through this, my mum was diagnosed about 4 years ago with breast cancer, my mum is my best friend and it absolutely destroyed me and my family. She's absolutely fine now.

my mum told me after her treatment finished that the one thing that helped her ALOT was actually me, she said the fact I treated her the same as I always had helped her feel normal. I never asked her if she was ok because I knew she wasn't  and I know she doesn't like people making a fuss over her. I'd still ask her to babysit and as always sometimes she'd say yes sometimes she'd say no however usually during that time if she was saying no it was cancer related and I'd make some sort of joke about how I was getting fed up of her cancer ruining my plans - she always laughed as we (as a family) tend to have a "if we don't laugh we'll cry" approach to things. When she was told her breast tissue would be removed I would refer to it as whipping the boob off phrasing it like that made it feel like (for her) that it was less of a medical procedure. I even joked that I should get the boob they're whipping off as just one of her boobs would give me a massive pair, she replied reminding me that that boobs cancerous and I said meh it's worth it and she laughed.  
 

I actually found a golf ball sized lump on my chest on my chest on Friday and have an appointment at the breast clinic next Wednesday for a mammogram. When I told my mum I'd been referred the first thing she said was "you sure you wanna take the chances on bigger boobs" and I just glared at her as I laughed but it made me feel better.

ofcourse laughter and jokes doesn't help all the time and there are times where they'll need comfort etc when my mum was diagnosed I had already done my research so kept reassuring her that cancer doesn't mean death, it's one of the most common cancers and it's lucky she has this one as it's the most curable this helped her stay positive, although I didn't go too overboard with the positivity because then it feels fake I think.

in general I think acting as normal as possible and on those days where they aren't emotional etc it's best to just treat it like any other day, don't be afraid to ask for things you normally would and don't constantly ask things you normally wouldn't if that makes sense?

my mum even said the worst thing about having cancer was everyone constantly asking her how she was doing? She hated it because obviously it was a horrible time but it was just a constant reminder and she'd constantly have to put a face on and act like everything's ok then people would be calling her brave for dealing with it so well then she felt like rubbish because she didn't feel brave and it was a constant cycle. 
 

for you talk to a mate or someone and then talk to your wife after talking with someone outside the situation it'll be easier for you to then talk with your wife. Both of you talking about how you feel about the situation is good and holding in your feelings when you know your wife can see right through it.

I hope she makes a speedy recovery 

Hi [@panicattackcity91]‍ 

It was lovely reading your post xx Your family sounds similar to mine. We tend to try and see the humorous side of things if we can! It really helps doesn't it! My two teenage sons have come out with some hilarious jokes/comments since I was diagnosed. I'm so thankful for them. I think that for them too, knowing that they don't always have to take me/my current situation too seriously has really helped them cope. My Mum too has been brilliant :) We talk every day and although as we unfortunately know, cancer itself is no laughing matter, we have been able to see the funny side of some things I'm going through. I know things wouid have been so much harder if I'd not been able to laugh through some of it. Some girls I've met through here have become friends and we continuously share little bizarre moments that occur almost on a daily basis! We are documenting our journey with photos of the weird situations we have suddenly found ourselves in. I still suffer anxiety and sadness over having found myself here but ... I think trying to smile through as much of it as possible is making the road a lot less bumpy for sure. I'm so pleased to hear your Mum is doing so well and I hope that things for you go ok. Keep smiling as much as you can. The right treatment + a daily dose of laughter = a speedy recovery. 
Love Sarah xx