Hi Jax,

Although I can't give you any advice,I would suggest looking up Tiggs69 on here, her own story is very similair to yours and i'm sure she'll have an understanding of your situation, good luck and best wishes,

Lynn x

Hi Lynn,

Thanks for your advice and best wishes, I will look Tiggs69 up.

Jax x

Hi Jax.......

Tiggs 69....snap!

I hear ya and fully understand where ur at....and i cant tell ya in some sad way it makes me feel betta being able to talk to someone who is there too!

i hit jackpot on 1 & 2!!!

so here i am on the 22nd going to meet myplastic surgeon and on the 12th  sept meeting my gyne surgeon.

I see it like this, were young and too special to some to hit the heavens just yet right! ....so i have elected if u can call it an option when the other is clearly having cancer to have my operations for the mastectomy and the ovaries to go and get me a new pair reconstructed...and the long haul of getting well again!

i lost my mooma to pancreatic cancer and did her end of life care , i too lost my dad, he had breast cancer at 54 ....so u know from the history checks we went through i am whistles and bells up there on the scale, i have one very very lumpy boob and the other has a few...the doctors agree it is now at the point i find one go see them ...while i am examined they find more so why wait for a nasty one!

people keep telling me how brave i am, i dont feel it and the nightmares are coming thick and fast in my dreams, but this is real life and one trott at it so i have to do all i canto stay and get through and hell even enjoy some part where possible!

which area do u live in i am havin my surgery in Norfolk & Norwich hospital the team is amazing!

two fo my friend have had there's done there and couldnt fault it!

my plastic surgeon if an ex professional foot ball player...this will be fun! but my friend mel had him and she looks fantastic she had cancer in one and silicone put in one boob and her tummy in the other!...so got a tuck too!

i think at the moment i am going for silicone... and be a no sag zone!!!!

i can recomend the following for you to read....one sec...back ok look on line for www.bapras.org.uk  its ur guide to breast reconstruction they can also send u a printed copy which i got this week...brilliant info and frm macmillian cancer genetics, and understanding risk reducing breast surgery, they are great to talk to also.

the first one i met a plastic surgeon when at work i went todesign his kitchen and he works at the hospital i am going to ...not that i knew at the time but he emailed me the link, and explained heaps of things too.

dont be scare to live, its a no brainer really when u look it it your a couple years older and we are no age, i met the husband today of a lady who chose not to do what we are and she was 38, he said she thought best not to and wait because of early menopause and has had so many different cancers and reocurring breast cancer she wishes she  had done it she's had 10 years of hell...

i believe evrything happens for a reason hun, and it is a personal choice so i am not here to shut at u to do this ...that is entirely ur choice alone, but all i can say is my friends have said it is no good being the 'wish i had corpse' to say goodbye tiggs instead of great norks tiggs!...i am opting for hot flushes and mood swings over flowers on grass!

i had a hystericalectomy 10 years ago and so have been early meonpause for last 2 years...but in the ten years ive done some amazing things, might look like a nutter strippin off to a strappy t shirt in the high street while the snow fell around but i dont care im here!

hope my rambling has been of help not anything bad, please add if u want to talk private but i think this site is amazing help to all i now have lynn as a f b friend she has been through heaps recently, see so u make good new friends out of the *** bits too!

by the way my sence of humour is a little ...no no noooo lot mental i looked on a mastectomy t shirt site, i have found one that says....please excuse our current apperance were under reconstruction!!!! i shall be wearing one, and also reconsrtuction zone, when i go see my surgeon!...need to suss out his humour too x

Much love Tiggs! xx

Hi Tiggs!

Thank you so much for getting in touch! You have lifted my spirits. I have been sitting in tears for the last half hour reading through Lynn's thread 'just want to scream'. Bad luck getting the double wammy of 1 & 2. So sorry you have lost both your parents to this. I was heartbroken when my Mam died and just wish she was hear right now - I need her so much.

Your attitude is so similar to mine, it is a relief! I find myself having to convince other people that surgery to reduce risk is far more preferable to waiting for cancer to happen and then all the devastation that comes with it. I can't understand the attitude of people saying - just have the screening and catch the cancer early, as if life were that simple...

For me the breast surgery is definately a no brainer and I am definately going to be getting a T-shirt, they sound fantastic!

I had a MRI mammogram a week ago and something has shown up in my right breast, so I am having an ultrasound scan tomorrow morning to decipher what it is - as you can imagine I am worried sick, even though the doctor said she wasn't unduly concerned. Ths has made me even more certain that a mastectomy is the right decision.

I am seeing the breast surgeon on Wednesday this week - I saw the breast nurse a couple of weeks ago and she was fantastic (I am being treated at the RVI in Newcastle upon Tyne). I am opting for just implants at the moment rather than the more extensive surgery where skin and tissue is used from elsewhere. I have small boobs, so getting bigger ones out of this is a definate bonus! I have decided to keep my nipples as it has been explained to me that the risk of keeping them is tiny (like my boobs!).

I saw the Gynaecologist last week after the ovarian scan and he was discouraging of the surgery to remove the ovaries (because of early menopause), which really annoyed my sister who came with me! My problem is, my husband left me 2 weeks after I found out I had this gene so I am back on the shelf after 23 years!!! I don't have a suppotive husband / partner behind me to see me through all this and I am worried that if I go into menopause now, I won't be interested in men again! My husband did not agree with my decision to have the genetic test and that niggles away at the back of my mind constantly.

I know the sensible and right thing to do is to take any surgical options available - you are so right in your decisions. Good luck with your consultations coming up. Thanks again for your fantastic advice - I wish I had known about this website when my Mam died (it may not have existed 9 years ago of course). It's great that there are so many people out there giving their support.

Love Jax x

Hayo Jax...

i am so glad i could be of some small help to you!

Its amazing how this site connects people, two months ago i think i came across this site and have helped a few people which makes me think i will carry on with my book because it may just help one other and ease their fears or help them find thier own way.

i was writting today and stopped for a doodle i came up with a design for my tattoo for my wrist i drew it on my wrist to test it out and pootled off shopping, a lady spotted it and said how brave i was, and how great my tattoo was, i thanked her and asked why i am brave....she said u wear the ribbon and u wouldnt have a tatoo like that unless u were touched by the BIG C! she said i wear a pin, she had overcome breast cancer i said i was having surgery to prevent it and this was just a design i came up with ...it is a ribbon  loop and in the middle is a heart with 3 smaller hearts inside it to represent my 3 children two sons and mystep daughter, Mavell, Kalen & Kit.....K & Kit have seen it and love the idea, i said it will help me when i am getting over the ops too cos i am doing this to be around for them!

your husband is missing the plot completely isnt he, if the shoe was on the other foot where would u be!.....mine did something similar to me years ago, i had the hystericalectomy and he had an affair!...long long story short i had complications in the op, did the fluffy cloud harp, passed relative bit and one said to me u have far to much to achieve and too many people to help u have to go back!

hummmmm now u either think....nutter or u understand, i could never for see this coming but its is here and getting closer so i shall go with the flow and see where this part of the journey takes me.....i am like you, when the consultants said what my options were i said why would i put myself therough the touture of screening etc and then wonder what happens if i miss a lump and its the chestnut one that throws another curve ball ....both said they fully understood and agreed and then said lets get the ball rolling and get u sorted so u can carry on with ur life and look forward

i have met so many people recently who have had breast cancer and they all say do it....they had no history and no head's up on any of it...we do! good or bad we have achoice.

i have been told i cannot keep my nipples as the risk is too high for me, so i said ok so when u make me a new set can i have them pierced, her face was a picture and she giggled and said i have never been asked before but sure dont see why we cant!!!

i need to keep my humour and me somewhere in all of this!

i  am on FB if u want ot find me im jessica holligan

well sweetie good lux and keep me posted hun and keep smiling ok......i hear u on the scan too my left boob has been uncomfortable all weekend ike it waas when i found the lump so i am going to the doctors tomorrrow after work to get them intouch with the hospital in case they want to change plans......i havent mention it to my fella he has enough to get his head around!...ill tell him if the doctor finds something or the hospital change date etc.

my friend mel had breast cancer and has one boob out of her tummy and one silicone...im going for the implants too with the same guy who sorted her out, apparently very andsum!

her husband left her, i think guys dont do this well when their wife is their rock and when they are needed in the same capcity they sometime find running away their only  option if that be the case let it be, mine was after 18yrs married 20 odd together, he wrote recently saying he has thougths heaps about how things could/should have been....thats his drama i need to focus on me not him, and i have told my man im with now, if he wants out ...no problem because this isnt a play thing this is real and i want to get betta, if he doesnt want ot marry me thats ok too...he held me and said if i end up with no boobs but i am walking by his side when we are ole n grey thats all that matters.....i warned him this will be hard on me and him, but if we make it we marry!

i am off work this week and as part of my prep especially with what happened at my last major i am going to arrange my funeral should i need one, because i think he will have enough to sort, he held my hand and said he understood but i cant go anywhere until we said i do!!!.....well this is how i roll i want things sorted ...but i have no plans togo anywhere fluffy and bright again just yet, although a trip to the bahamas wouldnt be turned down!!!!...

well sweetie i must off my son wasnt his pc back!!! im on curfew!

Love Tiggs!

Hi Jax,

what a fantastic result sweetie, i breath a huge sigh of relief with u!! and a huge smilie grinnage!

i went into work today even though i was meant to be off but ill get titme back i have some brill customers that i didnt want to let down with their designs....and we had a smoking light so we had the drams of calling out the firemen tooo.....i was like a kid i jumped up into the fir engine and when the driver turned around u should have seen his face it was a picture!!!!! then i came home and sorted my step daughters nails out and dropped her to her mooma's, stopped past terry's ickle sisters grave to tend it and thought dya know todays a goodun!

Terry ickle sister dies when she was 8 months old and had a tumor grow behind her eye, his dad has told me the story of how she got sick and passed away i couldnt stop crying, i have an amazing father in law to be he is a true hero, he is awaiting heart bypass and sadly T's mom is in the final stages of her illness of parkinsons and lopus.....and then he has me to deal with, he is amazing, tonight we were talking and he said dya know whatever life throws at u , u just bounce back, dust urself off and start agian!

what else can i do roll over and say ok i give up...nah not an option!

i had told him i found this site and had left myself logged online he read through some of my blogs and relys, he cried and some of the stories and said the advice i gave i should be a counsellor!!!

always finding a way of giving advise without telling someone what they should do, my goal is to be able to do pallative care, i did it for my mooma and the doctors thought i was a nurse because of the pain charts and things i talked to with them, may i might get smart enough to go through the training, it is something i want to do in the future,,,just get through this bit first!

i designed my tattoo and showed my bosses who both loved it and i spoke to my friend today and he is doing it on thusday, i cant wait!....its my focus so to speak!

i havent as yet thought about anyother screening i was going to ask on my next visit whats available.

like u say one step at a time!

the lump i found is the one from before....just feeling a little uncomfotable thats all so i ok!

T says i am having more restless nights at the moment, guess thats to be expected.....but i am shattered i think i shall sleep a bit better tonight!

welll hunnie take care of u and we speak soon x

Hi Tiggs,

Good luck with the tattoo tomorrow. I think it's a lovely idea - hope it's not too painful!

I saw the breast surgeon today to discuss the mastectomy. I've got another appointment in a month's time to be measured up for the implants. They have advised that I will need another MRI scan before the surgery because of my last dodgy result (even though the ultrasound etc was clear). They seem to focus heavily on the negatives of surgery so you have to keep reminding yourself of what you are actually trying to acheive. I suppose they have to make sure that your expectations are as they should be and you're not imagining that you'll come out looking like Jordan! I am booked into going to a support group at the end of this month. The breast nurse selects volunteers especially to match the 'patients' so that you can see the results of the surgery. It's a fantastic idea - I don't know whether this is something that has been offered to you? I will let you know how it goes.

I've got an appointment with the genetic counsellor again next week and also the Psychologist at the hospital. I will have to do alot of thinking before then, so that I can have a meaningful discussion about my concerns. I am going to be asking the genetic counsellor about other screening I can possibly have (apart from pancreatic, for which I am still waiting for an appointment), anything I find out I will let you know.

Sorry to hear your prospective in-laws are not in good health at the moment. Your boyfriend does have alot on his plate. I hope you have managed not to have to go into work again this week - mind you I think you picked a good day to be at work if you had fireman to the rescue you lucky thing!! I love fireman - I don't know what it is about them but I find them very appealing indeed!

It sounds to me like you have got a very good attitude to life if you can bounce back and dust yourself off like Terry says. I do that myself but sometimes worry that one day I will lose the magic formula and eventually there will be the straw that broke the donkey's back and everything will cave in around me. If ever I sense myself weakening, I remind myself that rolling over and giving in is just not an option - how can it be? A friend once said to me that I must be an incredibly strong person the way I coped with my Mam being terminally ill and then dying. My response was - well what is the alternative? Cracking up is just not a viable option is it!!

You just keep that positivity flowing and it will take you in the right direction...

Love Jax x

Hi Jax.

well done you for getting through the first bit darlin....i expect like me you know there are negative bits to all this decission making and your right we aint gonna b no jordan, but i would rather be a live in the long run!

i had my tattoo yesterday and when i find the camera lead i will update the pic, it HURT sooooooo bad!!!! lol but like my friend michael said you have to earn ur tattoo and you will always look on it with pride for what u are doing! he said im a very brave person....im still not seeing this because as u say...the other option is...... so we get up, deal with and carry on!

i had a lovely afternoon my oldest pal from skool who i havent seen for 10 yr plus came and met me at the shop and took pics of my tattoo being done so she shared another special moment she recently lost her nanna who she cared for  3 years and i was at the end of the line for her then, we had a great chat, then i got a call my eldest had been out in town partying the night before we spoke just before he went out and i tried to call all day thinkin humm phone broken, then mags said maybe he's lost his phone, worse he was bottled and had his phone stolen and ended up 7 stitches above his eye brow and big cut black eye, some kind girls found him and called the ambulance but he only remembers hearing lots of voices and waking in hospital.

i went to his straight away and just broke down, some people are so dumb, they pick on someone whos had a drink and on their way home and bammb, changes everything, i held him and said well im blessed ur here it could have been so much worse, today i see the news and a guy was attcked again on the same street and is critically ill in hosptail, my heart goes out to them and pray its not him again, he told me he wasnt going out again last night but until he gets a phone today i cant contact him

i just dont understand what madness is going on and it makes me so sad.

well i must get on only 2 days off left! thank u for ur message and keep bouncing sweetie i here for you too, and please do pass on any info.

much love Tiggs x    

Hi Tiggs,

I'm really sorry to hear about your son - that's terrible, a very scary experience and thank god it wasn't any worse than it was (7 stitches above his eye sounds bad enough mind you).

Congratulations on getting the tattoo - I look forward to seeing the piccies!!

I had my session with the genetic counsellor yesterday and just updated her on where I was at with the screening and consultations etc. There's no additional screening available for the other risks with the faulty gene - just pancreatic and I've yet to have the consultation on that. I've got a session with the Psychologist tomorrow to discuss the surgery - I am so confused about it all at the moment.

My mind is totally not focussed partly because I have my first date coming up this Fiday night and I am petrified!!! He is far too young for me (10 years younger than me) but I feel like I need a bit of fun for a while so I am not going to get hung up on that! I was with my husband for 24 years so I am finding this dating business very scary indeed! Any tips welcome...

Love Jax x

P.S. Hope you enjoyed the rest of your week off, despite what happened with your son. I am off to Malta at the end of next week - can't wait - I so need that sunshine!