Hi Peanuts,

A very warm welcome to our forum.

I am sorry to hear that you are awaiting a mastectomy and how you feel about this. 

The way that you are feeling is perfectly normal. There are still so many unknowns and these can be scary. The more you get to know and understand about your cancer, the better you'll find that you can deal with  this. I was first diagnosed with breast cancer 16 years ago and had a lumpectomy. Six months later, I was diagnosed with pre-cancer in the other breast and a year after my lumpectomy, I was diagnosed with a second bout in the original breast. This time I had a double mastectomy. I had been diagnosed with pure mucinous breast cancer and told that "If I had to have cancer, this was the best type to have, as it was one of the less aggressive types and less likely to recur." Needless to say, I didn't feel so fortunate when I had these experiences!

I was terrified, as I had already lost my mum to secondary breast cancer after a 12 year battle with primary cancer. She initially had a single mastectomy. She had a terrible experience during that time and I did not look forward to following suit! Fortunately, diagnosis, treatment and after care have all made considerable strides since then and there was just no comparison between what we both  experienced. I am fortunate to still be here 16 years on and I still lead a busy and fulfilling life.

I had large breasts and I was always proud of them and I also knew that, due to previous non-cancer-related surgery, I would be unable to have reconstruction. Strangely, I felt happier after my mastectomies than I did after my lumpectomy. I recovered much better from the mastectomies and I felt convinced that I had done all that I possibly could to get rid of the cancer. I was given silicone prosthetics to wear, but found these very heavy with my large breasts. In the ensuing years I have experimented with all sorts of prostheses and have had some funny but embarrassing moments with some of them. I swim several times a week and it took me some time to find a suitable prosthesis for this. I had some which were so heavy that they were round about my waist when I came out of the water. I had others which floated up around my face when I was swimming and yet others which I had to squeeze out as I climbed out of the water, as they soaked up loads of water in the pool. I am pleased to say that I did eventually find prostheses which actually do what they are meant to do!

I do miss my breasts, but the relief of no longer having cancer in them, far outweighs the loss. I have some problems with 'V' shaped necklines which are low, but can usually get around this, either by sewing them up a bit higher or using pins with a gem top to close the gap a little. In more recent years, I have surprised myself by sometimes remaining flat throughout the day - as I get older and am less self-conscious than I used to be, I find this more comfortable. I do however still wear my prostheses when I am dressed up. Although I mourn the loss of my own breasts, I feel proud of the fact that I have come through all that a cancer diagnosis entails and that I have been fortunate enough to have survived for so many years.

I shall be thinking of you on Saturday and hope that your surgery goes well.

Please keep in touch with us. I am always here for you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx