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Just diagnosed with two different breast cancers at 72...how do I manage the emotions, or lack of them at present, when living alone?

Vivaldi
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I had estrogen positive cancer in both breasts 21 years ago and now a similar 9mm lump has appeared again. But for me what I am most worried about is the second tumour found that is just 6mm in size but is triple negative. As I don't have children they don't think it worth checking for genetic mutations. As both tumours are small a mastectomy is booked and will happen in the New Year. They think chemotherapy may not be necessary and hormone treatment also may not be required which I appreciate is good news but I am still worried about the aggressive nature of a triple negative breast cancer.

There are no signs that either cancers have spread to any of my lymph nodes or major organs, so shouldn't I be over the moon about all this?  Yet, I'm not, there is still much I don't yet understand and living alone just means all this stuff bounces back and forth in my mind. I still feel that it's a bit of a dream...and I have only cried once and that was when a bird hit the bonnet of my car and I prayed that I hadn't killed it - then I sobbed and it felt that my body had been heard and acknowledged. How do I listen to my body more? How can I manage the emotions or lack of them at present when living alone? Everyone around me is celebrating that the news is so positive, then why am I not feeling that joy? 

Sorry if that all seems a bit much for an introduction - it just came tumbling out and when I re-read it I cried. Happy to receive any thoughts, reactions or guidance on this 'journey' we are all experiencing at different stages of our lives and with our unique experience.

  • Hello Vivaldi

    I'm sorry to hear that you've recently been diagnosed with two different types of breast cancer. It's understandable that you're feeling anxious about this and that, in particular, you're worried about having been told one of the tumours is triple negative breast cancer. 

    It is good news that the team feel the cancers are currently contained within your breast tissue and that hopefully no additional chemotherapy or hormone treatment may be necessary. I can, however, understand that you're struggling to feel this positive news. There is still a surgery to undergo in the New Year, and this may be impacting how you are feeling. It sounds like it's been a really overwhelming time for you. 

    There is no right or wrong way to feel after being given a cancer diagnosis. Many people find that they don't feel anything in particular, or that they feel different to how they think they should feel. Sometimes, family members and loved ones can struggle to understand this as well. 

    It sounds like it was beneficial to put down in writing how you're feeling about things. You mention in your post that there are things you don't understand and I wonder if you might find it helpful to chat with one of our team of nurses. I know they will be happy to listen and offer any advice, information, and support they can. If you'd like to talk with them they're available Monday to Friday 9am to 5pm on 0808 800 4040. 

    You mention living alone and that things bounce back and forth in your mind. Certainly, putting these things down in writing has helped many people and it may be that you feel comfortable to do that here in the Cancer Chat community or that you would prefer to keep a journal. Perhaps if there is an organisation such as Maggie's in your local area, you could pop in for a cuppa and chat with others who understand the challenges that come with a cancer diagnosis. 

    Keep in touch, Vivaldi, and let us know how you're doing. We're here for you.

    Sending my best wishes, 
    Jenn
    Cancer Chat moderator 

  • Offline in reply to Moderator Jenn

    Jenn, thank you so much for your reply. Putting my age in my first chat, I felt concerned afterwards that no one would reply... So often the older community gets overlooked by the younger generation, I know as I was young once, and my Mum when she was my age and older often said she felt invisible to others. So your reply is very warmly received! I must admit the breast care clinic where I live have been marvelous too!

    I think my overwhelming feelings link back to when I had cancer the first time around. It brought all the unresolved feelings back and there wasn't the same level of help offered back then so just had to get on with it! Also, I was working so had much to distract me. This time around whilst I have a part time job I have a lot of space to be in silence and pray. Prayers usually settle me down and I can feel at peace, but there are other times when I suddenly experience the anxiety and then a bit of panic sets in. You are very insightful to recognise all that from my first chat!

    It's true, I did expect to be more emotional about it and I have had the odd moment for tears. I think what I am noticing is how I make light of it with others, I try to lessen their load rather than burden them, so then find it hard to be authentic in the moment and look after me. Even my best friend said she can't stand folk who make too much of their problems to get attention, so I try not to raise it unless she does. I find dealing with others exhausting because I feel I am looking after them when I need all that energy to look after me.  I don't have a Maggie's near me but there is a Dorothy House hospice care centre and Penny Brown is just over an hour away.

    I have saved the number you have shared so thank you, I will use it especially when I have my wobbly days...

    Wishing you all a wonderful Christmas and a New Year filled with health and joy, with my thanks for your marvelous support!

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