Hi Bluedime82, 

I am so sorry to hear you have been diagnosed with breast cancer and I hope that you have been told a little bit already about your treatment plan and that it all goes well for you.

It's amazing that your mum has beaten cancer four times she sounds like a very strong woman. I think that because of what she has been through which no doubt left a mark on your mum, she has probably been understandably quite shaken by the news of your own cancer so it's making her very emotional. It must be hard for you to manage that since you feel on the contrary that you need some space and that you don't want to feel bombarded with unsolicited advice, stories and comparisons. Your mum means well and just wants to show you that she is there for you I am sure and she is very much worried for you as it probably also reminds her of everything she went through after her cancer diagnosis and that's probably what is triggering her to ask you all the time how you are. But I completely get that it is all a bit much for you and it can feel a little overwhelming. Perhaps you could try and explain all this gently to her, that you feel you don't want to be defined by your diagnosis, that you are still very much you and that perhaps you could suggest you two go out or do some fun things together, go for a coffee or a little shopping trip without having to talk constantly about cancer. Tell her that you feel well, that you really appreciate her concern and that you are not in denial but that you just don't want to think about it all the time - all this I am sure you can tell her in a nice sensitive way. It doesn't mean that you can never talk about the cancer but it's up to you to set the pace and say when it gets too much and change the subject if you feel like it. The important thing is really to treasure that good relationship you have with your mum by doing things you enjoy doing together even things like going to the cinema together or anything that would be  - for you both - a welcome distraction at the moment. I am sure that when you feel ready and when you feel like it, you might actually want to talk to your mum about your cancer or the treatment and perhaps hear from her own experiences but again it's up to you to decide really when it feels right and when it is beneficial to you to open up to your mum about it.  

I will now let other members of our community come and say hello and give you some tips on how to handle this situation sensitively perhaps taking into account similar situations they may have themselves encountered. 

Best wishes, 

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator