Had an appointment yesterday to go over the results of extra biopsies I had to determine how large The DCIS is. So it's DCIS high grade 58mm, plus microinvasion was found in these latest biopsies. For context and reference I'm 35, and have 32J breasts and I love them and have never considered a reduction. 

So I've been told I have 3 surgery options.

1) Mammoplasty they'd need to take my nipple and everything above atleast, and then create something out of whats left. They said they'd take atleast 50% of the breast tissue. They'd reduce the other side too. I went into the appointment thinking if its a large area id rather a mastectomy to know it's got clear margins. And not need to worry about potential second surgey.

2) Mastectomy with implant reconstruction. And reduction to the other side to match. This is honestly what I was leaning towards, going into this meeting. But they said that the largest implant they'd use is 400/450cc which would put me at a C or D. I can understand not going as big as I am but I expected maybe a few cup sizes, even down fo an F which i think is midway, but seriously 8 or 9 cup sizes smaller than I am? What the ***. Immediately cried when they said this. I expected smaller but not this. I thought that this would be my best chance at keeping some form of large chest. But no. I was contemplating asking them to do both at the same time so its just done they're a matching set. But now..

3) DIEP,  need to meet with the plastic surgeon which will take a few weeks. But I am realistic that whilst I have a little extra on my belly it's not alot. I don't know if this will give me any more size than the implant. I know for alot of women they prefer this as its still warm, fluctuates with them etc. But frankly I dont want the extra scaring. But if it gets me bigger then it might be worth it.

For extra context. I dont have kids and I adamantly don't want them. As I was asked this when discussing losing the nipple and the potential DIEP option.

Guess I'm here to rant. But also hear from, those of you who weren't happy that you'd get a reduction in size. Those of you who are struggling with the same decision. I understand completely that for alot of women with big breasts they have thought about reductions prior to this or are okay with the big size change. But thats not me. My nurse and Dr both said that I'm the outlayer in that I want to keep my big breast and most are happy to become small. But mine have never caused me back or shoulder pain. I advocate for people to wear the right fitting bra and have helped people realise that they're in the wrong size and that thats why they hate wearing bras. If someone is unsure who I am, the go to description is "with the ***". Because I embrace them, I wear form fitting tops, I wear wrap dresses that show them off.

Changing my cup size so dramatically will take me from a natural hourglass, regardless of what I weigh, heaviest and lightest all hourglass. But after this I'll 100% be a pear. I'll be a size 10 maybe, maybe 12 on top (if they manage to make me a D) and a 16 on bottom. The 16 may make you think i have a stomach for DIEP, but its all in my hips and ***. Not stomach. Rather than now, where I'm balanced. 14/16 top and 16 bottom.

Why why breast cancer. Why not something hidden, why not something thats not so ingrained into who I am. What makes me feel confident what makes me feel attractive. ***, it could of have been my womb, I have literally no use for it, and would have told them to just rip it out no problem.

Okay I'm just ranting now.