Hi there, my mum is 86 years and had recently been diagnosed with tongue cancer. I am her primary carer. She has had her ct and mri scan and we are going to get results and treatment options this Wednesday/Thursday at her MDT meeting .
I am really concerned that the surgeons will offer severe treatment as an option eg major surgery and radiotherapy which I think will be so hard on her. She is a feisty lady and I fear her instinctive reaction will be to accept any option that removes the cancer, no matter the recovery time and side effects. I am really concerned about the length of recovery time for her and her quality of life, given her age.
She doesn’t have friends who can help nearby and she currently lives alone, 5 mins walk from me. She already feels lonely and I feel overwhelmed with supporting her ordinarily day to day
A major concern is that I haven’t got the energy to deal with this; my batteries are already flat. I’ve been providing mum with emotional support since they told us which was about 2 weeks ago while feeling absolutely broken myself and am finding it hard to stay strong.
Additionally mum has a terrible memory but the shock of this is making it worse and I don’t think she will be able to process all the info given to her this week. Every time she has a general anaesthetic her memory gets worse and doesn’t recover 100%
I have cared for mum after major operations eg her knee replacement last Christmas and the degree of pain she was in was a nightmare - i couldn’t cope trying to get her in and out of bed and being in charge of everything (we had no support as she went private) so I was advised by gp to put her in a care home to recover for a couple of weeks.
I am thinking the same is going to happen here and am considering whether a nursing home might be a good idea after any surgery.
Does anyone have any experience of any of this? I am so worried - I’m a person that loves outdoor exercise but finding there is nothing to stop me thinking about this 24/7
many thanks for any help