Hello Marazul  

I can only say that I fully empathise with you in this nightmare situation.  I have been caring for my hubby since his bladder cancer 2 years ago.  He's had a stroke  , has a bad memory and poor cognition problems.......now is terminal with tongue cancer.  The palliative care team are helping me look after him at home ...but the hospice may be next .

I'm so grateful that he has decided to have no treatment..... he couldn't face any more.... and at 75 ,we're content to keep him comfortable and manage the pain while we can . 

  I do hope the MDT decides against the surgery for your Mum . This is the second oral cancer for my husband and he has struggled since the 16 hour surgery he had in 2008. If they want to do it ,you must remind them that just because they CAN ,  it doesn't mean they SHOULD in every case . Make sure they understand that you can't do anymore too .

Well done for all you've done for your Mum , I hope you find an acceptable solution for you both .

Zillah 

Thankyou Zillah; i really appreciate you replying and knowing there is someone out there. It’s so difficult all of this. Well done for looking after your hubby so kindly. I do hope his palliative care goes smoothly for you both and that he is comfortable and at peace with all that is happening. Thinking of you both Xx

Hi Marazul , thinking of you and your Mum. How did the MDT meeting go ? Hope it put your mind at rest  

Thankyou Zillah. It was a very long day and the MDT was very thorough. They are just going to do radiotherapy and no surgery, which I think is the right decision. They didn’t want mum under a general anaesthetic and they couldn’t guarantee curing the cancer with the limited surgery they can do, so they are going to do radiotherapy and we hope that it is successful. I think radiotherapy will likely start in the next couple of weeks. It’s all pretty traumatic for mum and her memory is much much worse trying to deal with this; very overwhelming for her but we are relieved that there is a treatment plan now. How are you doing?

Hi Marazul  

Sorry to be slow in responding...but crazy here just now . Thank goodness the medics are of the same mind as you  with regards to your Mum.  No surgery to worry about   ....what a relief .

Do you have a local hospital for the radiotherapy? Our nearest is in a city 20 miles away...and a parking nightmare . A few years back I helped a friend take her 90+ Yr old Mum there for radiotherapy..on her little nose . She didn't mind the treatment ,but she was a bad traveller and part way through her 3 weeks she flatly refused to go . She had a day off  , and they rearranged the appointments to complete the course. The appointments were all a bit random, never at the same time 2 days in a row. 

If you can get someone to drop you and Mum off and pick you up later, it may save you a lot of aggravation . Then you'll be able to concentrate on keeping  her calm and better able to cope . I pray all goes well for you both. 

Zillah