How can I help my mother accept her illness?

My mother was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in November 2024. At this time, she says she does not want to know what stage/type/grade she has, meaning the rest of the family cannot know either. She has had 3 rounds of chemotherapy so far, but has become too unwell to receive anymore at the moment. My mother has just turned 67 and before this was completely fit and healthy (although is diagnosed with type 2 diabetes which is well managed), worked full time and is a non-smoker. The not-knowing is such a struggle for me as I already feel so helpless, but I feel that knowing what we’re going up against can bring some positivity and motivation. How can I help her come to terms with this without pushing her too far and causing her any upset? Any and all advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

  • Good morning Ruth   ,

    I have a suggestion...... you may be able to find out more if you can use either the NHS app. Or the GP online system on your Mum's behalf . I've had to do this as my hubby has had a stroke and is unable to manage his own affairs  including appointments and meds etc. He has orophangeal cancer now , terminal , only 2 years after bladder cancer surgery. Letters from the hospital are sent to the GP and I have accessed them to inform myself over the past 2 years . It's been vital to his care . We're very fortunate to have a brilliant kind GP who I can speak to and our palliative care team is very helpful. 

    I hope you can help your Mum and your family to find out what you need to in order to look after her through this . 

    Zillah