12 weeks! OK I see. My concern is it spreading while we wait. So far theyve not found any evidence of spread on CT scan or laparoscopy & I just want it to stay that way till he gets chemo.

Hi Karen

Yes hubby has had chemo ...two types together via a Picc line ( permanent IV )  then a break

He is palliative care as he has secondaries. So bit different to your son 

 Remember you can contact the medical team and ask questions

And we had support from Macmillan who sorted out our benefits PIP and carers allowance they were brilliant  

Sorry, didn't think your hubby in a different situation. I've told Dean to call them tomorrow! Some parts of the country people have chemo about 4 weeks after diagnosis. I'll tell my son about the PIP & Macmillan - thanks.

I am sorry to hear you are going through this.

It is a big shock and that overwhelm is understandable 

Well done for reaching out I am caring for my hubby and he often doesnt want to talk and I found that tricky ( we all process at different speeds ) but actually found when he did share his feelings it really helped us both....id say skip anyrhing on tv that is triggering 

Hubby has been talking to counsellor which I see helps him lots 

And hopefully you will get your results soon

Top tip do all the things you enjoy 

Dont put them off 

Time is precious 

Good luck 

Thank you. It does help to talk to people who know what its like as they are in the same or similar situation

Glad your hubby can talk to someone. I think it must send you mad if you keep it all in.

I have barely seen friends as I feel I don't want to talk about it to them as they dont get it. Just seeing people and hearing them talk about going for bottomless brunch, planning holiday or complaining about work or comparatively trivial stuff makes me feel like screaming at them at how bloody lucky they are thats all they have to worry about. I know really that I was exactly like that a few months ago - no serious worries at all.

Hope you have ways of letting off steam yourself & good people around you as well as your hubby.

Sorry 'Boxbrain0'  I meant to ask, after all your tests and then being referred to oncologist did you have to go see them and have a discussion then go away and wait for any other appointments prior to chemo starting? 

Its okay to feel what you feel

And people dont get it unless they have been there.

I have set boundaries and only engage on my terms it is exhausting repeating things and having to manage others reactions

By time we have processed some of it we are already moving and adapting and then you meet someone who doesnt know ...they say the things they feel they should and ( gift you a meal for xmas!) cos they have no idea!

(Yep it happened)

Do things that give you space and feel better a walk a bubble bath or write on hear whatever it takes

You dont have to know everything now or be petfect mum just take obe day at a time 

Hi

i went to see the surgeon who explained all about the operation and the following day I saw the Oncologist who explained about the Flot process. I then signed the consent form for FLOT and then 3 weeks later I started It. I received my after chemo oncology clinic appointment before the actual chemo one so I realised when it would start. Don’t let Dean sit in and stew about it and try and encourage him to get out of the house as Chemo has been far harder than I imagined and the last week very up and down. 

Oh yeah and don’t feel bad about looking at other people and wanting to shout *** at them because they look fine as sometimes it gets the stress out. Obviously make sure they can’t hear you. 

Exactly the feeling of it being exhausting repeating it all. When we first found out I didn't tell any of my friends or other family till I felt ready as you're still processing it yourself. I told 2 close friends and my sister after about 3 weeks then (horribly) just ignored others as I felt a barrier in that I couldn't physically write a Whatsapp message or call them to explain what was going on. 

Previous to all this I used to go running round the forest near my home about 3 times a week but not since this, as its all I think about when I'm not at work. I know I must try and do normal things & I will once he gets started on treatment & I know its being dealt with.

Thanks for the concern. Hope you are living life as much as you can too.