Hi I am having the same procedure on Wednesday I have found it doesn't matter what anybody says the fear is constantly with you ,I am the same ,I don't switch off at night neither.I think my fear is to find out what stage i am at.Hope you find something to help you .

Its all constant fear. I know its not happening to me, but my son, but its constant fear as to what theyre going to say. My son will be told the stage soon as well but hasn't got appointment through yet. Keep googling what I know so far about his tumour size and no spread etc to try and predict - it's driving me mad!

Its all constant fear. I know its not happening to me, but my son, but its constant fear as to what theyre going to say. My son will be told the stage soon as well but hasn't got appointment through yet. Keep googling what I know so far about his tumour size and no spread etc to try and predict - it's driving me mad!

Hi Karen I know it’s very difficult but try not to google anything because the news will be the news for your son’s individual case and google keeps chucking other topics at you and so you read that as well. It seems that the Doctors and Nurses don’t tell you enough but too much information just becomes overwhelming. All this medical invasion into our lives is so alien that it stops us from thinking about anything else. One step at a time. I thought I would never handle how sick I felt on Thursday but I’m still here and going out to watch a football match in an hour. Little victories are all we can judge this by at the moment. I can’t imagine how I would feel if my wife or son were going through this. Sometimes just being there is all that matters. 

Thanks, yes I know youre right. Just want to know the stage that they say it is, and the date chemo will start at last. I have wished many times that I could have it instead of my son - that's the problem with the people who love the ones with the disease, you just don't want to see them going through this & want to take it away..

You are managing great obviously, still getting out when you can and taking it as it comes day by day till you reach the end of this unexpected journey. Imagine looking back on this in the future and you'll wonder how you got through but were all stronger than we realise.  

Sorry 'Boxbrain0'  I meant to ask, after all your tests and then being referred to oncologist did you have to go see them and have a discussion then go away and wait for any other appointments prior to chemo starting? 

Hi

i went to see the surgeon who explained all about the operation and the following day I saw the Oncologist who explained about the Flot process. I then signed the consent form for FLOT and then 3 weeks later I started It. I received my after chemo oncology clinic appointment before the actual chemo one so I realised when it would start. Don’t let Dean sit in and stew about it and try and encourage him to get out of the house as Chemo has been far harder than I imagined and the last week very up and down. 

Oh yeah and don’t feel bad about looking at other people and wanting to shout *** at them because they look fine as sometimes it gets the stress out. Obviously make sure they can’t hear you. 

Thanks for that info. I am trying to encourage Dean to get out more, he spends a lot of time at home playing on his guitar which is good and watching movies with his wife. He has an infection from the surgery he had to put the feeding tube in that is now clearing up with antibiotics. He reckons he will get out for walks when the weather gets better - I said don't wait for that!

I am trying to be calm and nice & smiley to people in every day life & manage it most of the time. I'm a secondary school teacher so have to smile a lot but inwardly curse the kids!

Hope you are doing well.

I had to stop teaching 17-19 year olds with special needs after being diagnosed as they were so in your face and I was worried I would end up losing it. I miss them terribly but as you know with teaching it is non stop. 

I bet you did feel like that yes. Its hard putting a face on all day isn't it. I am scared of losing it with the kids also as the way they speak to you at times is diabolical! Deans oncology appt came through today! Friday 7th march so not too long.

Hi my name is Marc by the way. That means chemo probably end of March so not long now. At least there’s news. 

Hi Marc! Yes hoping its nearly time to start blasting that thing out of existence!