Help - starting treatment for a brain tumour and husband is unsupportive

so I’ve just been diagnosed with a brain tumour and start chemotherapy on Tuesday, well long story short my husband is being completely oblivious, he won’t talk about it, has yet to ask me how I feel about my diagnosis and up coming treatment, says he doesn’t want to talk about it, I have a 4 (nearly 5 year old) we moved in with him last year, I gave up my house (didn’t own it) changed jobs, and now I feel like I’m so isolated, will not listen to my feelings, even having to beg for a hug, all I need is someone to hold me and tell me everything is going to be okay. He just tells me I’m bringing him down, causing him to be ill and if I carry on he’ll end up in a mental hospital. Today I’m needing to go get some shopping and he normally comes with me but instead he’s finding jobs around the house, says I’m not bothered about eating or anything else, so now I’m sat in the parking lot of the shopping centre not wanting to go home. 
I can not uoroute my child from school again, but I also can not carry on like this… what do I do?! 

  • Hello Faffleen

    I'm very sorry to hear about your diagnosis. Undoubtedly this will have been a worrying time for you and it's sad to hear that your husband has not been willing or able to offer you the support you need ahead of starting treatment. It sounds like this has been a really difficult time for you. 

    What support do you have around you Faffleen? Do you have family or friends that you can ask for help and support? If there is a particular family member or friend that you feel comfortable talking with then I'd really encourage you to share with them the situation at home. It's also important that you tell the chemotherapy nurses next week that things at home aren't easy at the moment. They need to know that you may not have all the support that they may otherwise assume your husband would give you during treatment. 

    It may be that you want to reach out for some counselling support as you start your treatment journey. If there is a Maggie's in your local area you could pay them a visit or alternatively you could contact The Brain Tumour Charity. They offer free professional counselling for anyone diagnosed with a brain tumour and their loved ones. I mention this because you've shared in your post that your husband has said he is concerned about how your diagnosis may impact his mental health. I don't know if he'd be open to talking with someone about how he's feeling but perhaps some counselling support may help him to open up about the situation and empower him to better support you and your son. 

    If you'd like to talk with one of our nurses for some advice and support you're welcome to call them on 0808 800 4040, Monday to Friday 9am to 5pm. I know they will be happy to listen and offer any advice, information and support they can. 

    Keep in touch with us here at cancer Chat Faffleen if it helps to have somewhere to put down in writing how you're feeling. We're here for you and will do what we can to help. 

    I hope things go well on Tuesday. Sending you my best wishes, 
    Jenn
    Cancer Chat moderator