I did want to reply to this as my mum recently told me she has lung cancer. It's hard to say what is the right or wrong way as it is such a personal journey. I can say that I thought my mum could have told me a different way and I initially felt quite angry at her for telling me the way she did. For context, she sent me a message with the news and asked me to not call her or see her yet.
I found that really upsetting and confusing at the time and of course I would have preferred that she told me in person. But, as the weeks went on and we processed the information, the anger I felt subsided as I understood more and more why she did tell me in that way. For her, she had a lot to take in and process as well and she has always been very protective of her children's emotions. She has never wanted to be a burden and as a result, distances herself when things get tough.
Whether that is right or wrong is down to opinion, but she is the way she is, and I can't really change that. Your children will of course feel all the emotions when you tell them, but as we are currently doing as a family, they will process it with each day - in their own way. It helped me to realise that everyone has their own way of processing information like this, and that's OK.
I obviously don't know your personal situation, but I would say trust your gut on how you feel you should tell them. It's going to be hard, but we have managed to get through it and I am sure you will too.
