Today was the day - single Mum newly diagnosed with breast cancer

Hey everyone,

I've read lots of these posts and been overwhelmed by the support everyone receives so I guess that's why I'm posting!

Today I was diagnosed with HER2+ breast cancer. I'm not sure if it's sunk in yet even with the amount of times I've said it. 

I am 44 and a single mum of two children 10 & 13, so was in the mind set I was too young for cancer even after finding the lump and being told it was suspicious. I went today with a glimmer of hope it was not going to be cancer.

My mum died of breast cancer in 2015 so I have seen the impact it has on lives. I am worried I am going to struggle to juggle work, children, hospital appointments etc as I so want to be strong for my children. The added pressure of being a single mum is huge as it is without throwing an illness in the mix.

My doctor has a plan and is positive it is treatable. Chemo, CT Scan to stage it, then surgery once the chemo has done it's thing. 

I have told my children as I believe they need to know and they need to process things and understand what's going on. They took it was better than I thought which was encouraging but I'm fully aware they may not have processed it yet.

I guess I just wanted to write all this down somewhere to hear from people in similar situations.

Thanks for reading,

Vicky.

  • Hi Vicky, so sorry to hear of your diagnosis, it must have been a shock for you. Our situation is not quite the same as I'm older than you and my children are adults. However, I was diagnosed in January with invasive ductal carcinoma and am also HER2 positive. I was put on chemo first, then will be having surgery, followed by radiotherapy. I will then go onto hormone blockers for 5-10 years. The chemo I was put on is EC-T. So far I've had the 3 EC and 2 of the T (for me this is docetaxel). I also started on phesgo injections  when I started the docetaxel,  due to being HER2 positive. My next treatment is on Tuesday and last one on the 9th of July. For me the side effects have been minimal and I'm able to do all the normal stuff like cooking and cleaning. I also go for a 2 1/2 mile walk every day, which is great for the mindset. Obviously everyone is different and some people do get more side effects, but thought you'd like to know it's not so difficult for everyone. I hope all goes well with your journey moving forward and  if you have any questions I'm always here. Xx

  • Hi Vicky1 I’m in a very similar situation to you. I’m 43 with children 10 and 12. Was diagnosed three weeks ago with her2 positive er positive breast cancer. It’s 14mm and today I found out that all the scans and extra biopsies I’ve had confirm there’s no additional areas of concern. I’m booked in for lumpectomy next week if MDT on Monday all agree. This will be followed by chemotherapy once recovered. It’s so hard waiting but I’ve been reassured hearing other people’s stories. Let us know how you get on. I haven’t told my children yet but will need to soon. Xx

  • Hi Vicky. I'm so sorry to hear of your diagnosis. I was diagnosed on 19th April with a 44mm oestrogen + grade 1 cancer.  I have a 5 and 6 year old. I like you lost my mum to this horrible disease in 2019 and I've found it very triggering. I want to say, I understand. 

    I have coped by keeping things normal. Keeping busy and thinking positive. 

    I am just focused on getting to my surgery on 26th June.  Its been longer than it should have been because I needed extra MRIs and I need to come off the tamoxifen for 2 weeks before the op. 

    I wish you all the best. Keep us updated with how you get on. 

  • Hi Smudge,

    Thank you for your reply, yes it does sound like we are in a similar situation. 

    I have an oncology appointment next week which will set out my treatment plan. I am also waiting for a scan to ensure the lump is isolated, fingers crossed for that!

    I was really wanting surgery first but the consultant is keen for chemo first, it's quite big at 44mm x 23mm so I guess it needs shrinking first. 

    I hope all goes well with your lumpectomy, let us know how it all goes xx

  • Hi RedRuth,

    Thank you so much for taking the time to reply. Your cancer is similar in sizing to mine at 44x23mm. Have you had any side effects from the tamoxifen?

    I'm so sorry you too are dealing with this after loosing your mum, it's so hard to not make comparisons I'm finding. 

    Let me know how your surgery goes, fingers crossed for you xx

  • I agree  it's so hard not to draw comparisons and when I found the lump I'd already hit rock bottom thinking the absolute worst. I'm now trying to think positively.  They say the power of the positive mindset is incredible. So I'm trying that too. 

    The tamoxifen has made me more thirsty but other than that I've not noticed any.  I've got everything  crossed for you too.  Do keep in touch. Xx

  • Just newly diagnosed with breast cancer (not sure what type though!) but my treatment plan is similar to yours. Reassuring that you can still live a reasonably full life during chemotherapy. Did you use the cold cap as I’ve decided to give it a go? 

  • Hi Vitchy, sorry to hear about your diagnosis, I understand how stressful this is. Just to let you know, I felt much more relaxed with everything once my treatment started. I stopped drinking alcohol, I eat healthily and walk 2 1/2  miles every day. This has helped me keep a positive mindset, I also feel this has helped minimise my side effects. I decided against using the cold cap, as I already suffered from headaches and didn't think I'd cope very well with it. I bought a wig and some lovely hats, which I'm happy with. I've upped my water intake since being on chemo and now actually get fewer headaches. Most of my hair fell out quite quickly, but was left with some fuzzy hair. Strangely, it seems to have started growing back already and I still gave 2 cycles of docetaxel left to go. So far I've had no damage to my nails, which I'm really happy about. I have been using a product called polybalm on my nails, which I started using just before the start of chemo. I did a bit of research on it and so far it's working for me. Stay strong and keep positive, I haven't found it nearly as bad as I'd imagined it would be. I wish you well moving forward. Xx

  • What positivity. Thank you so much that’s a great help x 

  • Hi Vitchy, have you started your chemo yet? I wondered how you were feeling and if you decided to use the cold cap? Is it a standard option you are offered or something you have to request?
    I have my surgery tomorrow then chemo once recovered.