Hi everyone.  Just joined a community /forum I never wanted to be part of, I guess it's the same for everyone.

On Friday, my Dad was diagnosed with terminal metastatic bowel cancer.  It's come totally out of the blue, like many of you whose stories I've read. He's 79, but until the last couple of months fit and healthy. Even the oncologist remarked he looked 69! We're all totally shocked and devastated.

He's spent his life fastidiously following healthy eating and lifestyle, way ahead of his time really. As a child, 35 years ago, I remember him making live yoghurt for his gut bacteria, lecturing everyone in the benefits of wholegrains and linseed and the occasional glass of red wine. He even grew his own organic fruit and veg. So, bowel cancer was the last thing anyone was expected.

But here were are, dealing with a right sided colorectal cancer. He had no symptoms other than 2-3 months of fatigue and dizziness. Eventually the GP tested for anaemia and it went from there. Still no bowel symptoms. He checks his poo religiously and insists it's still perfect!

On Friday we got the horrendous news that it's spread, with tiny bits all over his peritoneum, lungs and liver. We're currently trying to get our heads around it all. Apparently the surgeon said no point operating as the spread is too wide.

The oncologist offered chemo, but told him that this only has a 3o% chance of working and would likely make him sick. So they've agreed to do nothing for now and review in 3 months. I don't understand this. Is that true only 30% chance of working? And wouldn't it make sense to start it now? I don't understand  

Just feel absolutely lost. I'm really close to my Dad and although I have a partner and two lovely children I just can't see how to carry on in a world without him. I feel almost as though I don't want to, it's too painful. It's such a cruel, cruel disease x