Hello SL86, 

I am so sorry to hear about your dad's stage 4 bowel cancer diagnosis - it's so sad that there is nothing they can do treatment wise and that he has liver failure and will be receiving palliative care. It's so hard for loved ones to know what to do and how best to give support during this difficult time without forgetting as well to look after yourself. Our website has valuable information for Family, friends and carers where you will find out more about how to support someone with cancer but it also includes information on taking care of yourself which is easy to forget. Find out more too about support at home for you and your family which may be available to you. 

It's really hard to know what to do regarding your mum as I can understand why you feel that she should know but at the same time he has told you that he doesn't want her to know so it's a rather tricky one and it leaves you in a rather difficult position having to make that tough call.

You are welcome to give our nurses a call too to talk things through with them - their helpline is open Monday to Friday from 9am to 5pm (but closed this bank holiday Monday) and you can reach them on this free number 0808 800 4040. 

We're thinking of you and your dad during this difficult time. I will now let members of our community who have been in a similar place before come and say hello and give you some tips based on their own personal stories as well as offer insights into your situation.

Best wishes, 

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator