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My Amazing Mum

Tulip45
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Hi all, first post and looking for honest straight up answers if possible. 

My Mum has just been diagnosed with Stage 3 inoperable lung cancer and C.O.P.D. She's coming to the end of a hospital stint having had a chest drain, nebuliser, steroids and oxygen to treat pneumonia, fluid on the lungs and lung infection. This was follwing two biopsies. She has been told she has 4 tumours, one wrapped around the windpipe and the others in various places. All inoperable. She's been advised that she's too unwell at present for any cancer treatment, the treatment is not to cure but to help with prolonging her life.

What can I expect here? I'm going to be there for her through this and I would like to be somewhat prepared. 

Timelines? What is the general consensus with the above information? Months? Years?

I welcome any knowledge and advice.

With love and thanks,

Tulip.

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    Hiya Tulip45.  First of all may I say how sorry I am for what you and your Mum are going through.  I was my Mum's main Carer when she became ill with cancer, and we were told that it was inoperable.  It was very frustrating trying to get answers from the Doctors, and eventually I said to my Mum's Oncologist, "PLEASE be honest with me......is my Mum dying?"  and he replkied "Yes".  I asked him how long she had, and he replied, "about a week".  That was a shock I can tell you........I thought that my Mum had at LEAST a few months, but she was diagnosed and gone in about 6 weeks.  I barely had time to process it.  In the case of your Mum, her lung cancer is inoperable and it has reached stage 3.  With life-prolonging treatment, it is POSSIBLE that she could have a few years left......however, I think that you would rather hear the truth wouldn't you?  It's possible that your Mum has only months left to live.  From everything you have said about your Mum's condition, I think that you should be thinking along the lines of months, rather than years.  I have lost many, many family members to cancer, and I know the signs.  Of course, cancer is such an unpredictable disease that you really never can tell.  For example, I know someone who was told that he had 'about 5 years' and he went on to live for another 22 years.  You really never can say with any certainty.  But if I was in your shoes (and I HAVE been in your shoes), I would  prepare myself for the possibility that the cancer is going to take your Mum sooner rather than later.  Please forgive me if I have been too honest with you.......the last thing I want to do is to upset anyone who is going through this monstrous nightmare, but I think, having read your words,  that you are the type of person who wants answers with no sugar-coating.  Once again, I am so sorry for you and your Mum, sending hugs, xx  

  • Offline in reply to Blue-girl

    Hi Blue-girl,

    Thank-you for your kind and honest response. I asked for honesty and wanted to hear from others who have been in my position and you have done just that. But my goodness, to be told a week is just unfathomable. I'm sorry for your loss, it must have been a terrible time. 

    Having seen Mum today, a few further spanners have been thrown into the works. The cancer has spread to her lymph nodes. This is after she'd won her battle with breast cancer 3 years ago! Also, the tumours are all different types. The consultant was flummoxed! This = more complexity and the cancer more difficult to treat. 

    I'm preparing myself for her not to be here for Christmas. If she is it will be fantastic and wonderful but I don't want her to suffer in any way. All I can hope for is the end to be as pain free annd peaceful as it can be. The whole situation is just horrendous though isn't it. 

    Thanks again Blue-girl.

    Tulip45 ️

  • Offline in reply to Tulip45

    You are welcome mate.  And yes, it is absolutely horrendous.  Like you, I wanted my Mum's end to be as peaceful and as  pain-free as possible, and thankfully it was.  If I might make a suggestion to you?  Tell your Mum how much you love her.  One of my biggest regrets is that I never told my Mum that I loved her, and it is too late to say it when they are gone.  Sending hugs to you and your Mum, xx

  • Offline

    My advice is to take good care of yourself and to tell your mum how much you love her.

    Take some nice photos and talk with her about all the lovely things you've done together.

    Make sure you've got people around you to support you.

    Your mum's lucky to have such a wonderful daughter.

    Best wishes x

  • Offline in reply to Sharza

    Thanks Sharza, very good advice there. I plan on making the most of what time we have together. Again, thanks for your kind words x

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