My dad just been diagnosed with terminal lung cancer Thursday. Turns out they had told him before treatment which he started in January but he didn’t understand they’d told him he was terminal. He’s 62. Never smoked. We knew he had lunch cancer end of last year, they were optimistic with radiotherapy, but then further tests showed he had a tumour and lesions. Fast forward follow up appoint Thursday and consultant and lung nurse informed about stopping his treatment and reaching out to palliative care. I was floored to discover it was terminal as I thought the chemo was to help fight it, but turns out it’s to delay end of life. 
I’m 33, two young kids, a mortgage, two jobs and a wedding I’m planning so the guilt of not being there every single minute of every single day is killing me. I have a sister but I’m the ‘stronger’ one and have been listed as his primary and next of kin. They’ve said with treatment he’s got around a year, could be more, could be less but how he is at the moment I don’t think it’ll be a year. 

it’s all still raw, I’m trying to keep busy but anytime it’s quiet my thoughts go to what I’m next meant to do. I wish I didn’t have to work to pay a mortgage so I can be with him I really do. I’m self employed as a childminder so if I don’t work, I don’t get paid. 
my thoughts go to him worsening quickly, which is what I think will happen. I don’t know where to begin on how to improve his quality of life. I’m just feeling so emotional abo it it and I’m not letting myself really feel it. Because if I feel it and think about it, I’m not sure I’ll be able to stop crying.